I am very upset this morning, like most mornings my husband has raged at me after raging on our son. My husband who has ADHD, has been yelling at me because I made one small comment about not liking to clean up. My statement wasn't directed at anyone thing or even him, just something I said, like a person would say "i don't feel like going to work today" even if they like their job. He swears at me and uses foul language (with our kids in the next room). I am tired of his angered rages that I am the target of. He also rages this way with the kids when he doesn't nderstand why they are doing whatever it is. I feel bad for me and my kids. I feel like we have to be the target for all his anger and frustration because he has not been properly managing his ADHD with therapy. According to him, I am the problem person with all my negative comments. Funny thing is, I tiptoe around this man and do almost EVERYTHING for him but wipe his butt. Not only this but I am full time nursing student that takes an enormous amount of time and energy. I feel like I can't go on in this relationship and feel like my needs will ever get met. My needs may as well not exist because my husband doesn't even seem to know or care that I have any. He constantly tells me I am criticizing him, when I am sipmly asking him to take care of things he has not followed through on. I feel like I am a prisoner to ADHD. I have left him twice but he always seems to "win" me over by being extrodinarily nice and helpful. I tried to make our marriage work because I love my husband and we have a family but what kind of family is this? What kind of existence is this for me and my sons? If we arent together, how can my husband be a father to my sons? I do everything and he refuses to get on any sort of schedule, when we were seperated before he didn't get the kids to school on time, didn't pick them up on time and didn't make them go to bed until late as 10pm some nights. I had to stop letting the kids go over to his house because of this and I am afraid that this will be how it is if we divorce. I am tired, tired of even having to think about this. I just want a normal life again.....not that things are ever "normal" but people who are married to someone with ADHD knows that only someone who is not married to someone like this would ever even say that......
I am a prisoner to my husbands ADHD
Submitted by Asetamy on 06/11/2010.
Submitted by hope09 on
My husband also has ADHD. I fortunately don't have any children and I'm am terrified of him treating them the way he treats me. I get everything you are saying and I feel for you...I really do.
We are separated and now he's being "nice & helpful" just like you said. I feel like its temporary. Am I right to make that assumption?
Oh yeah, I'm all familiar
Submitted by loosing myself ... on
Oh yeah, I'm all familiar with the "nice and helpful" after the seperation. The selfishness, the inability to see the pain they are causing others, is just unbelieveable. I think a great word for it would be "Me tunnelvision".
I've finally had it. I'm done with my marriage.
We are done.
Submitted by robinshusband on
I couldn't give her what she needed for 20 years, even in the split with "loosing myself" I couldn't give her the space or time. I know you think I've not changed and in some ways I've not. In a bunch of ways I have and it is sad all the anger and hurt and pain in our relationship makes it impossible to see this.
Maybe for one of the first times in the last 10 or 15 years we are both in the same place, it is sad and it sucks.
I have no more thoughts, advice or helping for anyone from my perspective of dealing with ADHD other then I'm working on it, I'm better and I'll be better. I wish somehow we had been able to work on this together now that we know.
I still believe this though;
When you know better you do better.
Thanks to this site I do now "know", for 20 years I didn't. Hopefully for others it won't be too late.
When we seperated only about
Submitted by loosing myself ... on
You are a courageous man!
Submitted by renoir911 on
You are a courageous man. I have been reading your posts and they speak volumes of courage and acceptance, and pain. Your honesty makes you that better person. It is those who are dishonest with their partners about their condition that cause problems in relationships. I feel like I have been condemned and I only wish for a quick end. Doesn't a condemned man have a last request ?
You are a good man Sir. I know you only through your words and they are honest words illustrating the pain you feel. You've helped me understand some thing and for that I thank you.