I am so frustrated, please tell me if it will ever get better.

I talked to my husband about add this week.  He agreed.  I have to vent.  I am so frustrated.  So we think he has it, but we don't know where to start and my day was ruined today because of his actions.  He couldn't find his keys yesterday so he took my truck to work... no biggy.  BUT he didn't deposit his check so I am left with no money to go grocery shopping which is what I do on Tuesdays..... he knows this. THEN at 10 am he calls and he locked his keys (which I found for him last night) in the trunk.  So I had to pack the kiddo up at nap time and go rescue him, oh and buy him lunch.  I did get my debit card back from him.... he lost his wallet a couple weeks ago which he found but not before he cancelled his cards.  So who is put out... ME. IT is so rediculous.  I mean really you are 31 years old. get a hold of yourself. It effects me so much that most days I am so tired of it I am just mean.  I am tired of being mean and resentful.  We have been together for 9 years, married for 3 and we have a 1 year old.  I want to have 4 kids but I have found that if I take on more than I can do all alone I go insane trying to ask for help.  I really need him to get help but where do we start.  We have good insurance but is meds the way to go or does he need a coach?  He IS willing to do what ever it takes to change. I think he is tired of forgetting everything and acting like a child.

Hey Nicol, this is a good

Hey Nicol, this is a good place to vent. I haven't found anywhere else where me and "my" problems are valid. I've heard the "why are you being so mean?" question many times. At least here, I can tell you how we got started. 

Finally, after twenty five years my husband decides he needs something. It took a number of calls but, I did find a psychiatrist who was informed about ADD and medication. He made sure that it wasn't all my idea and my husband was interested in getting help. At their first meeting they talked about symptoms and the Dr. prescribed something right then. The very next day my husband said it was like a miracle. His desk at work was clear, which had never happened before. I noticed a change, he was not his irritated self anymore and seemed to be able to complete his thoughts. He thinks we don't need any counseling or a coach but, I think that would help. He needs to be accountable to someone (and not me) to help him stay on track. The medication worked quickly and made me hopeful, and the counseling would probably take some time.

If your husband is willing, that's a great start! Meanwhile, be good to yourself and step away if you can to get a break. I hope things start looking up for you soon!

Nettie's picture

It will get better if...

...you keep strategizing like the other commenter did by suggesting a doctor consult. ADHD people, like everyone, just need help sometimes. I set up a small table with a drawer in the foyer where my husband can put his wallet, keys, etc., every night as soon as he comes home, and he quickly developed the habit of doing so and no longer forgets his work badge (needed because he works in a high security environment). The drawer is a mess inside, but convenient and meets my need for order (my own chaos of stuff is more than enough to handle), and I no longer have to drive to his office because he's forgotten something.

You may need to take over the majority of daily money management. My mother has this role, and so do I. It may seem baby-ish to give your husband money each morning, etc., but it's an easy fix if it's something at which you excel. Divide the responsibilties according to each of your strengths. I HATE taking the time to do dishes while my husband enjoys the opportunity to daydream, so he does the dishes.

Break out of traditional, possibly self-imposed limitations, do what works for you, and your frustration will decrease. Best wishes, ~N

I feel you Nicol!

Nicol-Unfortunately your situation sounds so similar to mine. My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for 4. I have been so upset for the past three weeks. We have known my husband has ADD for a while now, and finally he is deciding to do something about it. I gave him an ultimatum this week, get help or get out. He has a doctor's appointment next week for a diagnosis, which I am sure he will forget. I have tried to understand and help, but I am so fed up. I am pregnant with our second child and feel like I will be raising both of them myself. My major gripe is he isn't even working. He retired two years ago to stay home with our baby and I wonder, what the hell does he get done? He only has to watch the baby two days a week, since I am home the rest. He has all the time in the world to help me, but gets nothing done all day long and most times it is my fault for some reason. I am praying something changes real soon because this feels like the ends of my marriage. Any advice would be very helpful.