I am the wife, but why am I always feeling like the "other woman"

I am sooooo hurt, so down today I have to look up to see the bottom!  Yes, I am the non-ADHD'er married to a husband who talks, emails, chat's, text, set up VoiP telephone numbers just to talk to a particular ex-slut (chick) from his past.  We've been married almost 7 years and for ALL 7 of those years, it's always been HER, in our marriage.  If I am not doing something or tending to his needs?  He reaches out to his 'crutch'.  He constantly says it's not cheating because he isn't 'physically' doing anything with her!  Wow..... okay.... I must be in the twilight zone because I feel like I am.  HyperFocus my a**

I am blindsided by this latest contact....I believed him when I thought WE were working on our marriage...silly me!  I feel like such a fool.  I've been crying so much today that my face hurts!


Love shouldn't hurt this much....I've been there since day 1...times when he doesn't even recall...and he betrays me by doing something that I've repeatedly told him would bother me!  Now he says he's done...he's been done with 'this marriage'  ARE YOU SERIOUS?  Been done?  Why the heck are we going to therapy, doing all of this f'ing work when you had it set in your heart and mind that we wouldn't work?  Ugghhhhhh God has to give me strength for me and my boys to get through this.  I've never, EVER been in this much pain before in my life!