I can't believe I'm the only one with this disease! :)

This is my first ADD forum I've belonged to, and its grand!

 Goodness knows my concentration couldn't last long enough to read through all of the responses on the last forum I was reading, but I saw a forum that struck true for me and my husband!!

I might. just. cry writing this. :)

My story if you'll humor me and read it is simple.  ADD struck me like AIDS and is slowing taking away my life, and interest in it.  Its a brain sucking, life sucking, manipulative, degenerative disease. and I hate it.

I was in high school, in 9th grade and they'd put me in remidial classes because they couldn't understand my complete disinterest in anything "school" related.   I'm not remidial!! goodness! I was told to take a test with a man named Jay (I have no idea how I remember his name even! lol)  this test was a few hours long, and asked me strange if not down right silly questions.  (I didn't know what the test was for, if I had known I might have taken it more seriously... nah, probably not. :))  Anyway, long story short.  I had ADD.  (Not the hyperactive kind, I'd like to say.  I am in NO way hyperactive. AT ALL. I'll get into this later. :))

My parents (who which I'm sure at this point I now realize have ADD too) put me on Riddilin and told me to take a pill a day everyday before school. (OK sure! Tell the clinically forgetful ADD person to take medication before school everyday. gotchya.  I couldn't even wake up for school until the bus had already been waiting in the drive way for 10 mins for me to get out there... anyway, I'm rambling.. ) Needless to say, my parents never remembered to remind me either... (saying something? Nah. Ones real (parents) and the other is a step parent, one of them should have remembered. lol)

Blah blah blah, life goes on.  I graduated by the skin on everyones elses teeth (I ran outta tooth skin (for sliding by) in the 8th grade...) and didn't know what to do.  My parents (oh so ineloquently) told me (And I'm paraphrasing here) "You're not smart enough for college"

So they sent me to beauty school. HA! Same thing there barely graduated, didn't know why I was SO terrible at making friends, doing school work, getting along with my customers... Just figured I was a lost cause, and I'd get a crap job and live a crap life. Thats all that was expected of me. (Still is. I'm being a downer right now. :/)

I went on to a "fast service" salon, and did semi well... I worked there for 4 years off and on. I don't know how I lasted so long. :/

Eventually I met my husband, he is a marine. and hes awesome at it. Hes the love of my life. and I'm about to lose him.

I have been out of work since being fired back in 2008. I lost a car, & a house, and had broken up with my boyfriend (my now husband) - I was nearly homeless... luckily before they took my house we got back together, and I moved to his current station about 6 states away from home. :D  Glad to be away from home!!   Do any other ADDers feel incredibly disconnected from their families???? I do. its depressing. :'(

Anyway, I've had 2 jobs since, one lasted ... 3 months and the other only lasted a week. I can hardly find a reason to get out of bed, so I sleep most days about 15 hours.  Once I'm awake I have no energy for ANYTHING so I just sit on the couch on my computer and watch TV waiting until I'm tired again, then its back to bed and up to the couch. I'm sure I have bed sores by now.. I've back and forth for about 3 months now doing this and sadly I must say without too many details ... I've become the most depressed I've been in my entire life. ever.

Last weekend I went to my best friends B-day party, and got drunk. the drunkest I've ever been. I blacked out, and confessed to my best friend how much I wanted to just kill myself. "It would be so easy" I remember saying. Thats about all I remember- My friend told my husband some of the terrible things I was talking about, and he contacted my mother (who I feel already looks down on me, I'm the failing one out of the family. My sister is a triganomitry teacher, my brother is an architectural student, and my other sister in about the graduate nursing school & Just bought a house (that she'll likely NOT lose))  Then my mother and he discussed me leaving my husband to "go back home" - I happened upon the message, because my husband left the Email open on his computer...   blahblahblah  End of the story:  I have been researching ways to find out whats wrong with me, I've looked into personality disorders, autoimmune disorders (my mother has alopecia a severe autoimmune disorder (shes allergic to all of her hair)), depression, cognative disorders... EVERYTHING!!

But tonight, I happened upon a story about ADD on PBS. It was amazing the things I've learned in the last 45 minutes! I've been sucking up information like a hoover vacuum!!  The symptoms are what explains me to a T, and being that I've been already diagnosed with it. It makes complete sense, and I should have thought of it earlier.

I have questions for you that feel like answering

Do you have strange fears?  (I can't do things for the first time alone, without being shown what to do, or how to do it.  I'm afraid I'll do it wrong)  (going to the post office and sending a box, getting an oil change, couponing)

Do you go *alls to the wall about some things?  (I wanted a truck that was a stick shift for my vehichle. the catch? I didn't know how to drive stick. I refused to find another car. REFUSED.)

Are you particular about silly things? (Spelling, grammar and  punctuation are mine, even though I know I don't spell everything right)

Have a lot of you been diagnosed as depressed instead of ADD??

I'm just happy to know that I'm not here alone, and that reading some of the forums about other men and women and FINALLY seeing myself in it is sooooo comforting!!!  After being told I was just depressed, it didn't feel right. I knew that wasn't what was wrong, but once I considered this, it felt right. Does that make sense?


Sorry if this post is all over the place tonight, I guess I'm just a little excited.