I can't seem to communicate

I am looking for advice or effective mental tools to help with communication. I was originally diagnosed with ADD in early elementary school. For a short period of time I was medicated and eventually was taken off. From there I met regularly with psychologists to monitor my progress. I was the kid you that had a desk, not in the classroom, but outside the principal’s office because that is where I spent most of my time. I ended up at a private high school that was slightly more disciplined than public schools and slowly but surely my grades improved and my chaotic behavior lessened to a point that was more fitting a teenage boy. All this time I still did not take medication! Eventually (much to the surprise of my early therapists) I graduated from college with a degree in Physics and on the honor roll. Shortly thereafter I married my wife, started a career path and had children. In the current time I am facing very hard difficulties with my wife to the point we are closing in fast on a divorce. We have a wide range of problems, but there are multiple issues that I feel derive directly from my ADD. The biggest being my inability to communicate effectively and rationally.

I have very little trouble listening since I learned long ago that this was a problem area for me and I focus on listening a lot. The problems stems from me being unable to get the thoughts out of my mind and into my mouth correctly. Sometimes I say stuff that doesn’t make sense and wasn’t what I was trying to say at all. Or I over focus on what I am saying and go into every little detail that really has no point in the conversation. Then we can also add in the jumping around from topic to topic with no rhyme or reason and occasionally interrupting the person I am speaking with. It is just so frustrating for me because when I try to get verbage out of my head it is like the gears are going wild, but the product isn’t what I ordered. From there I get very conscious of what I am saying and usually slow down (which is annoying to my wife) and second guess everything I am saying. From how it will come out of my mouth to how it will be received. I am trying to change how I communicate, but nothing seems to work and it is just making things harder with my wife.

I am opposed at this point to taking medication. There are certain ADD traits that I rely on heavily. I do tend to multi-task very easily and when I need to get focused on something completely, it is very easy. I want to see if there are effective techniques to help with my communication problems prior to taking medication and any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,