DH did not take his meds yesterday. He's out of his Concerta and he didn't take his anti-depressant either. He pooped out in the middle of a project, leaving an even bigger mess, complained of headaches and not feeling well, laid down for an hour at 5 pm, moaned and kicked me all night, had bad dreams, and wouldn't go to church this morning (and he's in the choir!). Needless to say, I'm not too fond of him right now.
My question, and I suppose it applies to everyone whose partner takes psychoactive drugs, is this: Who am I married to? Am I married to someone I don't even like? Is this the REAL him? Does the person I married even exist? I hate the idea that I don't even love the "real" (unmedicated) him, but there isn't much to love.
I took anti-depressants briefly (to deal with the situational depression caused by being married to someone with ADD) and I hated them because I didn't feel like myself. Maybe I'm projecting but I can't stand the idea that the unmedicated him is who I'm really married to, and I don't much like him. Maybe my whole marriage is a fraud.