i cant take it!!!

First and formost thank god for this website and for all of you out there struggling with an add/ADHD SPOUSE. i cant say how much you all have helped me by sharing your stories, being the non adhd spouse is an extremely Lonely place to be and it helps to know im not alone after all. I had no clue how many people were living lives just like mine. This post would be about a month long if i statred from the begining so ill just say that ive been with my husband for 17 years. It has been a rollercoster to say the least. My husband is add and my 13 year old son is adhd. Being that my husband is add i was hoping he would be more understanding with my sons adhd issues but i have to keep reminding him that our don is adhd and his expectations he has for my son are not in line with his adhd and learning disability. He is constantky yelling at him, constantly telling him what he has done wrong, how he is always screwing up, ect. This from a man who is also always screwing up. Forgets everything,loses everything, has a six figure salary job and doesnt follow through on his work (i am constantly checking his work emails and sending in reports and other work for hin because of my fear of him loosing his job) He is irresponsible and not someone who i can rely on to lead our family, however i know this and cut him way too much slack and basicly pick up his slack for fear of him doing something stupid or not doing anything at all. He is all the things he says my son is and more, why cant he see it unless i point it out? Which i always do! I throw it allback at him when he does it to my son then i get the "your right" im sorry. But no less than an hour later he does it again, over and over. I cant take it! My son has serious self esteem issues and does anything to be accepted by peers which im afraid will get him in serious trouble one day. I can take the countless apologies and broken promises. At what point is it not adhd and just the persons laziness to change? Any feedback would be appreciated.

If he knows about his add

Then i think he should be held accountable. If he isnt taking meds or doing the "work", then he has NO RIGHT to call out his son. I hope he appologizes to his son, too. I have a rule in our house, "you are not allowed to complain about something you arent doing/fixing yourself". I am fierce when it comes to the children. Sorry. I think they should be protected at all costs. I think i have heard that the things that irritate us the most are the things we dislike about ourselves. Maybe he should take a hard look at himself and figure out a way to help out his son by figuring out a solution for the both of them. He certainly needs to learn more compassion for him. Poor guy. : (

Thanks! Im a big defender of

Thanks! Im a big defender of my kids as well. Probably too much at times, i alwsys side with my son unless he fid something wrong but your right my husband is taking his own lack of doing the work, out on my son. He tries but always falls back to the same thing. Thanks so much for your reply

You're welcome! I think i

You're welcome! I think i defend my children too much too. My dh loses it on them sometimes too. He doesnt have too much patience and gets irritated too eaisly from his adhd.

Same here. I just feel

Same here. I just feel sometimes that if i dont defend them who will? Its a hard situstion to be in. I would love to be more supportive but sometimes his behavior is worse that the kids.