i cant take it!!!

First and formost thank god for this website and for all of you out there struggling with an add/ADHD SPOUSE. i cant say how much you all have helped me by sharing your stories, being the non adhd spouse is an extremely Lonely place to be and it helps to know im not alone after all. I had no clue how many people were living lives just like mine. This post would be about a month long if i statred from the begining so ill just say that ive been with my husband for 17 years. It has been a rollercoster to say the least. My husband is add and my 13 year old son is adhd. Being that my husband is add i was hoping he would be more understanding with my sons adhd issues but i have to keep reminding him that our don is adhd and his expectations he has for my son are not in line with his adhd and learning disability. He is constantky yelling at him, constantly telling him what he has done wrong, how he is always screwing up, ect. This from a man who is also always screwing up. Forgets everything,loses everything, has a six figure salary job and doesnt follow through on his work (i am constantly checking his work emails and sending in reports and other work for hin because of my fear of him loosing his job) He is irresponsible and not someone who i can rely on to lead our family, however i know this and cut him way too much slack and basicly pick up his slack for fear of him doing something stupid or not doing anything at all. He is all the things he says my son is and more, why cant he see it unless i point it out? Which i always do! I throw it allback at him when he does it to my son then i get the "your right" im sorry. But no less than an hour later he does it again, over and over. I cant take it! My son has serious self esteem issues and does anything to be accepted by peers which im afraid will get him in serious trouble one day. I can take the countless apologies and broken promises. At what point is it not adhd and just the persons laziness to change? Any feedback would be appreciated.