I didn't get to say goodbye.

Short version of my story goes like this: 

 

My husband had ADHD, but he coped with it extremely well and made it work for him. He got a different job, and during a long night working on a project (spreadsheet stuff - not ADHD friendly) a friend, who also had ADHD, offered him adderall to "make it work." It worked incredibly well, but instead of seeking professional help, he started self medicating. Fast forward almost a year. My kids and I moved out when his adderall habit reached 200 mg daily and he lost control of his anger.

I've tried to get him help in every way I could contrive. Family, friends, forcing him, bribing him, begging him, leaving. My kids and I moved 1000 miles to get away from him and he quit his job and followed us. Now I have a restraining order because he tried to hit me in church, stalked me, harassed my family and friends...

I fell in love with him because of the passion and creativity that ADHD gave him, and I am leaving now because of the ADHD fueled drug abuse. The part that is killing me is that between the man I married and the man who takes pills, he never told me. I never got a chance to say goodbye. And now I won't get that chance because he is so far gone down the path that drug abuse takes.

I'm so sorry this has

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. That you are here says volumes about your resolve to be a strong, whole person despite the trials you have endured thus far. I'm in admiration of that in you. I know you've heard the saying that time can heal wounds. It's cliche but there is truth in the saying. I'm sure you realize you did the right thing, perhaps the only thing you could do for yourself and your family in moving away and keeping everyone safe. Have you forgiven him? Are you working on doing that? I know that ADHD played a role and for me as a non-ADHD partner there is a tendency to attribute so much to the ADHD but I have realized that I have to actually forgive my ADHD partner and not just say 'the ADHD did it' because the resentment and bitterness will overwhelm if not. Clearly you are a strong, powerful person. I hope your path forward to happiness is short and true.