I don't believe you

When you tell me you will do it, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you can do it, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you will pay the bill, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you paid the bill, I don't believe you.

When you tell me it is taken care of, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you will be home at 6, I don't believe you.

When you tell me where you are going, I don't believe you.

When you tell me what you did all day, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you are going to quit smoking, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you don't drink too much, I don't believe you.

When you tell me where you are when talking on the cell phone, I don't believe you.

When you tell me you will change, I don't believe you.

When you tell me are faithful to me, I don't believe you.

When you tell me everything is fine, I don't believe you.

I must just be the untrusting sort, huh?  

Trust

Without trust, there can be no love.  Put the effort into remembering and the action into having "care" for the one you say you love.   

trust  noun

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.

If I can't rely on you, if I can't have a confident expectation of you, if I can't be certain of your ability and desire to remember me, I can't trust you.

If you can't rely on me, if you can't have a confident expectation of me, I you can't be certain of my ability and desire to remember you, you won't trust me.

I feel your pain.

I feel your pain,I understand what you are going through.I too have been having major trust issues with my ADHD husband,some days are very nice,and then some days are horrible.I feel deserted most of the time.I can't trust him when he says that he is at home without thinking he would go out without me seeking thrilling adventures behind my back.But,my question is this and here goes:

What causes trust issues in the first place? if he did things to assure me that he is a promising husband like keep to his word,or,if he could stop lying just for once,or maybe stop ogling all the women when he said he would and so on.

Trust is based on the individual you are with,not always the other persons fault.Sometimes the person who has major trust issues are the ones that are doing all the wrong things and builds trust issues on their guilty conscience of being untruthful.I have experienced this with my ADHD husband where he NEVER EVER trusted me at first b/c he himself is a very flirtatious person with women from his work and so on, then all sorts of trusts issues started to come up,like he does not believe me when I say I am at home or with my dad for instance, and he thinks I am out there doing something sneaky behind his back,when all I am doing is exactly what I told him I am doing.

with all this and it continued for some time,I never at first had any trust issues with him where I did not trust what he told me was not true,or did not believe him.I always trusted him and believed him,but when he started to accuse me wrongfully and he himself started lying a lot for real stupid things,then the ogling of the other women and so forth,I can never ever trust him again...he is the paranoid one,not me,he is the crazy one not me.I would never have a reason not to trust him if he did not give me a reason not to trust him.

I feel your pain,I know how you feel.I am so sorry we are going through this,but,(THIS TOO SHALL PASS)

IT WILL GET BETTER.I wish you all the best.

from:lovehurts.

Pbartender's picture

Quite an insight...

"Trust is based on the individual you are with,not always the other persons fault.Sometimes the person who has major trust issues are the ones that are doing all the wrong things and builds trust issues on their guilty conscience of being untruthful."

For years, my non-ADHD wife had accused me of doing all sorts of things (or doing things with a certain motivation) that I never did, or even thought about doing.  I never really quite understood where she got those ideas from.  It always struck me as a rather paranoid attitude to hold toward your husband when you had no proof at all.  There were times when it made me wonder if she was hiding something (turns out she was), and maybe I should take a peek (I never did).  I'm just now beginning to realize that she's been doing all the things that she complains about other people (and especially me) doing.

For example, she's always accused me (and complained privately to her friends) that I was sneaking into her emails account and reading her emails, but I haven't known her password in ten years and I'm pretty sure she's changed it since then.  Now, I've recently learned that she's been logging into my Facebook account.

 

Pb.

My feelings exactly. I told

My feelings exactly. I told my husband today - I am a trusting person in all of my relationships but this one. You trained me, I didn't choose it.

I'm new to this forum today and am finding so much comfort that I'm not alone - although it sucks to read all of the pain out there.

It is mutual. It started with such high hopes.

It is mutual.  It started with such high hopes, I dreamed it would be different from all I have ever known... but in the end you are just the same as everybody else. I opened up,  I trusted you, I was me, raw and worn ragged by running. Now I am older and the dream is no more.  I am once again alone in here, paralyzed by this fear and rage, no dreams, no past and no future.   

Help me understand

Jon, I really want to understand my husband and his pain. I've read a couple of your posts and they struck chords in me as feelings my husband might express if he were able. But now I'm so crushed and terrified of more lies its hard for me to believe him when he expresses love to me. I need the perspective of someone in his shoes - and really appreciate your posts

CK, I will try but it is going to be a long one.

CK,      I will try but it is going to be a long one.

There are specific aspects of our dysfunction that are complex, they lead confusing patterns of behaviour and they are often times incredibly destructive but perhaps they are manageable, at least I hope so.I have said a number of times that to me the lack of a concept of time is core to our issues.  To me at least in my personal life this manifest itself in a number of ways, at risk of revealing myself when the other ADHD folk in here may be just like “no that’s just you ”   here goes;

Self-esteem: this is the single most disabling element for me, I see self-esteem and self indentity as a product of achievement through time, it is born through success in endeavours.  That may be in career, in study, in social circles, in sport or inter personal relationships.    This has several elements that interact to result in low self-esteem. 
To achieve success in things one needs forward planning and goal setting, this may happen sub- consciously in you guys, you most likely don’t sit down and map out your goals to making and maintaining friends, or even interpersonal relationships.  However what you do is recognise that in order to maintain these and to grow them they need nurturing though time.  i.e. you know you need to call your friends reasonably regularly , take an interest in their life,  show care, organise bonding events with them etc.   These activities require organised thoughts, that is, a good grasp of time.
I am completely hopeless at this, just don’t have a clue, I miss the social cues and I fail.    As a test try asking your ADHD spouse to define themselves,  ask them to describe who they are, and where they are heading,  I am willing to bet this will be a challenge.

Secondly, success requires attention and persistence, we all start tasks with great enthusiasm often thinking that this is the thing that will hold us, then we get tired at the effort to apply attention, drift off task and fail.  Over and over and over. The continual failure reinforces our self-doubt and poor self-image.  Without success the drive to do things, i.e. motivation fails, in fact we actively supress it as a protective measure against failing.    Why expose ourselves to constant failure?
How many non ADHD spouse have posted in here about their ADHD partners that don’t work?  Don’t have drive? Don’t participate in family activity?      Well it’s because they *KNOW* they will fail; a life time of failure is burned into our memory. 
And here is where it gets tricky in interpersonal relationships.   We have spent our lives feeling “different”, “outside the mainstream” and “excluded”, we have learned to be self-protective, to not reveal our weaknesses, to not expose ourselves to ridicule and criticism, we have learned to fly under the radar so as not to draw attention to our “difference” because we feel ashamed of our continual failure. In a world that reward success and shuns failure, we are always shunned.

So somehow, perhaps because of our spontaneous nature… our “difference”   we get into a relationship, it’s exiting, we have found someone who we think is attracted to us because of who we are, our difference is a positive, this is a revelation!   We feel safe, we feel for the first time we can let down our guard and be ourselves and we are obsessed by our new found companion, hyper-focussed and devoted to them…………………….. but then in the process of letting down our guard and letting ourselves out of the cage our companion starts to see and experience some of the less desirable aspects of our chaotic nature, the untidiness, the forgetfulness and the related lack of reliability,   these are brushed off at first, but sooner or later they become an issue of complaint…..criticism appears.
Then, like the flick of a switch it’s all over, criticism is a cue that sends us into self-preservation mode and here there is great urgency because we have exposed ourselves so much, we shut down, withdraw, we pull away.  We have seen this a thousand times with every person we ever get close to, they all end up criticising us. Closeness always ends up in us hating ourselves for our failures, and this situation we have found ourselves in is particularly dangerous to our fragile self-esteem.  We feel stupid for thinking it would be any different, we feel angry with ourselves and our partners, we feel betrayed because we thought you understood and loved us for as we are, and we feel more alone than ever.  

Chances are our partners are just as confused,   the person that just a short while ago was lavishing them with love and affection is suddenly distant and withdrawn, they are probably irritable, angry,  prone to explosions completely out of all proportion and you most likely are constantly walking on egg shells, trying to avoid triggering some detonation, you probably take on everything to minimise the risk of these explosions, and you  where has your companion gone?    Intimacy suffers, you don’t feel connected, and we become strangers, we say hurtful things, and we have carefully observed and  learned your weaknesses, your vulnerabilities and we hammer them without mercy when threatened, we know that we are vulnerable; it’s strike first to disarm an attack on our failures, this is life and death and you have become the enemy.

We have become cold, lacking empathy and cruel, we may become aggressive, sarcastic, belittling and dismissive, we may make snide remarks and attack you with very little provocation. And you feel abandoned and assaulted, angry that you are carrying all the load and we just attack you, dare to criticise you and blame you for our own obvious failings.    How has is come to this??
The trigger is criticism, or what we perceive as criticism,   our ego, our sense of self is incredibly fragile,      we have this emotional lability:   massive and intense mood swings.  Even when we have success it is fleeting, it has no long lasting effect, our self-esteem is completely tied up in the moment, and we look to you,  *need* you to bolster it.  That is why we crave constant reassurance and praise, even for small things that to you is just part of the every day.  Why should you have to praise us for helping around the house when it should just be automatic?  Why should u have to constantly prop up our ego??? Because it feeds us, it means that the person we are closest to in the world believes in us and if you don’t there is simply no future.    That is the deal.  It’s exhausting, and there may be therapy to ease the burden so that in ourselves we are less fragile, but I have not found it…. And boy have I searched.      When you criticise me, however small or incidental it may seem to you, and you may not even be aware you are doing it, I crash to the blackest place on earth, somewhere way beyond your reach, and in that space in my head I go around and around and around and I am a thousand miles away from you, our kids and our life.   I wish it wasn’t so, but it is and I have no control over it.  Sorry.
Intimacy again is something that seems to come up a lot in these forums, I note that some of us ADHD folk are too distracted to be in the moment,  I  don’t experience this,  to me issues have always revolved around  the inevitable distance and relationship frustrations that have ruined intimacy,   this in turn has bred a viscous  cycle where I feel rejected in an area that is the most personal part of me, I get frustrated, angry and basically unlovable, things go downhill, I need to feel that my partner is attracted to me,  wants to be with me or I feel completely without hope or sense of self, the distance grows and the lack of trust builds.     My fault is that I have pinned way too much of my self-esteem to this and a lot of the time I just feel worthless, ugly, undesirable and unlovable.  Not a good place to be.  If my partner would just reach out it would go an immense distance, but at the same time I can understand why she does not. It is still bitterly painful. 

I have had affairs CK,    why?  Because someone reached out to me, and I felt I was attractive to someone. I felt validated and I didn’t feel ugly and broken for the first time in a very,  very long time.     Then like your husband seems to have done I  was cruel and rubbed my partners face in it with the details,  I wanted to hurt her,  I felt so much repressed rage that I just  could not contain it.    This was living proof that I wasn’t as repulsive as I thought my partner made me feel.   I also think that I wanted to break things beyond repair so that I had to escape, that particular relationship was killing me, I walked away from a long marriage with a bag of clothes and nothing more,  I wanted to let her know that I wanted nothing from it,  money, house possessions meant nothing, what I had been after all these years was  for her to believe in me.   I have made so many mistakes that I just have had to come to terms with it, there is no point in regrets, perhaps this is one of the few benefits in a poor concept of time and consequence.
   The problem is that the dynamics in relationships are complex, we ADHD people are disabled, we don’t deliberately express this behaviour.   We can’t see things your way, not because we lack empathy or compassion but because we simply look at the wold with different cognitive function. And likewise you just cannot see the world the way we do, because of the same reason.   


I would like to say that we are equals, but in truth you will always be part carer, just as my wife will.  We will never be able to change some of our functions and we will never be able to simply learn new ways.   We haven’t simply learned the wrong way of doing things, or developed “mediocre values” parts of our brains simply don’t work as yours does.  We cannot force it by willpower and you cannot either.   The only effective strategy is supportive.  Negative criticism is the enemy and is utterly destructive and will achieve absolutely nothing except pain for everyone.   There is so much anger and criticism directed at the ADHD spouse on this forum that it is overwhelming.  When it gets to that point you are just making things worse and you need to step away.  
For me, I am one of the 25% where medication does not work, I have been through the ringer with pretty much all of it and have run out of options.    I am glad your husband has had a positive response.
The irony is that I have a great well paid job with a large corporation; I get flown all over the place because my technical flexibility, again a benefit of having lots of things on the boil at once.  I have a good house in a good suburb, I should be proud and content with all this.    But you know what? I just can’t escape the constant feeling that I am a fraud, and that someday everyone will discover it and I will be found out.  Living with ADHD is a nightmare you never wake up from.
 

My thoughts are that compulsive stimulus related behavior is tied in here as well,     the  inability to tackle complex organised time managed tasks means we tend not to try,  and therefore we need to occupy our bored brains with something that does not require structure......enter stimulus activity, no planing and no organisation required. 

I know this is a very very long reply but it is just a very small start in reality,  before I kick myself off on another tangent I'll leave it at that.

Good luck CK ,  I hope you find peace. 

Thank you thank you thank you

Jon, I can't thank you enough for your response. I'm so sorry for your pain - as I'm so sorry for my husband's. I know what my role in that pain was - turning up the volume from trying to understand and help him early in the relationship, to eventual criticism and anger because I felt he just didn't care. My anger was fear begging for a reaction. Over the years, I became increasingly hurt and I distanced myself emotionally because I felt so taken for granted. Whenever I tried to speak with him about my feelings and pain he would sit silently staring at me. I'd tell him that his silence was affirmation of my feelings and i'd turn up the volume again - not knowing that he COULDNT say anything because of his adhd maxing out. The stress i was experiencing was actually causing him pain, not boredom or disdain. I wish I'd known.  I wish he'd shared his thoughts and feelings with me. If there is an ADHD spouse reading this who isn't sharing their feelings and pain, all I can say is that if I had known then what I know now, years of battered self esteem and heartache for both of us may have been hugely reduced, if not avoided all together. 

I know that can't have been easy for you to sit down and write. I hope others read it and gain some understanding as I did. You described your feelings so well - it helps me to know my husband and who he IS rather than who he's been struggling to be. Your generosity just went a long way towards healing me and helping me to be a better partner to him. I know I'll be able to come back and read it when I'm hurting and that it will bring me closer to peace. 

Consider yourself hugged. Thanks so much.

Linsy's picture

Silence may have been easier to handle

I too wish my husband had told me his thoughts and feelings - he only did this once, while in hospital after an accident caused by extremely faulty judgment, in writing and so movingly that I took him back. Now he says that was the painkillers talking and will not accept the truth of his own feelings. And he soon reverted to rage and anger when challenged about his increasingly dysfunctional behaviour which was unbearable. I ended up on a short fuse myself, exhausted and so stressed that I was having panic attacks at work. I will read the previous post with interest. I still hope that the man I can still see sometimes, the man whom I loved, will listen to professional advice and help himself. There is nothing more I can do apart from pretend in his presence so as not to cause myself further damage.

Shared feelings...

Jon's post was great and states so much that seems to be right out of my brain. I am 3+ years post diagnosis, responding well to Adderall, but Jon is correct, the Adderall does not "Fix" ADD, but it helps slow the brain down to give us a chance to make better choices or communicate where I could not communicate before. All the self esteem is as he states, precisely... After my diagnosis I did share with my DW about how "Turning up the Volume" affects the ADD and she always told me she felt like she had to get angry just to get my attention about something. She was surprised when I told her all the "Volume adjustments" felt like all out attacks on me. The adderall has helped me be a lot better with regards to seeing issues before they become a problem, but I still have ADD, so I am still going to miss things, like at night when the meds are failing.

I know the things that have shaped my DW's personality too. She also has a very low self-esteem, but for different reasons. She tells me that she would rather presume guilt, than get made a fool of by trusting and getting caught off guard. So in a sense as Jon describes how the ADD person finds a mate who believes in them, so we can let our guard down our spouse can feel the same way in that they need someone caring and trustworthy, so they let their guard down. This can be a very tough mix of personalities and since our brains look at things so differently there are a lot of forced understandings that each must use against their own pre-programmed natures for the relationship to survive.

Thank you for your comments

Thank you, Jon.  I'd like to

Thank you, Jon.  I'd like to add, though, that almost every human being you ever encounter also will be struggling with something:  low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, guilt, anger, and so on.  People with ADHD do not have a monopoly on psychological difficulties and suffering.  

So so true, Rosered. I have

So so true, Rosered. I have depression and anxiety myself, and am on meds for both. When I think about how I saw the world and how I felt before going on meds, I'm able to have more empathy for my husband. I feel lucky I was diagnosed, although I was well into my 30s. I have to make the choice to reflect on the pain and isolation I felt since I was a child and use it to help me understand my husband and his pain. If I want to try and work things out, I have to allow my own issues to bring me closer to peace with my husband. Since this is all so new and he is still learning about himself and how to express himself, Jon's post helped me so much on that path.

 Rosered, please don’t think

 Rosered, please don’t think for a second I question how difficult it must be for the non ADHD spouse, I can see it first-hand every day,   and nor do I remotely feel we have a monopoly of suffering.  

CK made clear her struggle with anxiety and depression and these are things I totally empathise with, in fact I take meds for both these conditions myself, which was one of the reasons I wanted to spend the time replying.     I guess the best way to describe the point I was attempting to make is by way of example;     I have a daughter with Cerebral Palsy and Autism, with my other 3 children I can gently scold them when they are being naughty and in general( though not always) works as a technique, with my CP daughter if I try the same thing she just goes into an hysterical meltdown and it can take anywhere up to 2 hours to calm her to a level where you can get through to her, I’m talking biting herself,  tearing her hair out, screaming, banging her head on the floor etc.     So this tried and true method of parenting just does not work, there is no point in me persisting or getting angry that it doesn’t work; if I want to minimise everybody’s stress, be effective and achieve a result then I need to adapt how I approach the situation. We have now some very effective alternatives that work….most of the time.
I can only go on my own experience, hence my own personal account,  but the way I see it ADHD is no different in this regard, certainly with my oldest boy, criticism is completely ineffective and counter-productive to trying to achieve anything productive. 

As the nonADHD spouse, I

As the nonADHD spouse, I certainly need to adapt.  But I believe that people with ADHD can change their customary responses to situations, as well.  For most people (not people with autism; not people with dementia; not people with certain other brain disorders), our behavior and our brain functioning are malleable.  

The brain is remarkably

The brain is remarkably plastic, this is true.  Even with severe damage and autism the results that can be achieved with persistence, innovative therapy and adaptive techniques are truly amazing.  
We don’t make a conscious decision to be this way, recognition of this at least I think is important, else ADHD is seen as a self-chosen personal/moral failing rather than a brain system dysfunction.   Which is why I guess a lot of the stories here are remarkably similar, I just know, as the saying goes,  "if we do the same we have always done, we will get the same as we have always got".  And that goes for the ADHD spouse AND the not ADHD spouse.

I agree with you, Jon.  I do

I agree with you, Jon.  I do disagree, however, with people who assume that the non-ADHD spouses and partners are always totally in control of their responses and with the people who assume that all non-ADHD spouses see ADHD as a self-chosen, moral failing.  I don't.  I believe that we're dealt cards in life, and then we have some choice about what to do with the cards.  I was dealt the genes and environment for anxiety and depression and an effusive personality and talkativeness and caregiving.  My husband was dealt the genes and environment for ADHD and anxiety and depression and a quiet demeanor and wanting to be taken care of.  I just want my husband to try as hard to deal with his bad cards as I've tried to deal with mine.

I agree. One of our kids has

I agree. One of our kids has a  neuro condition and the amount of therapy and love required to help him 'rewire' his brain function to accommodate this was incredible. The persistence and dedication required of him as a kid and us as parents, was exhausting. But he accomplished what was required to attain high function and to  move through life with virtually no sign of his condition. But this was achieved in a vacuum of sorts - with no baggage from years of hurt, devoted and motivated parents who were absolutely committed to his success, and the purity of future promise for a beautiful, loving, untainted child.

Not all of us get to heal or rewire under those circumstances. Those of us diagnosed with any psychiatric condition (especially when diagnosed as adults) whose treatment requires brain retraining, are doubtless not as fortunate. we've caused loved ones pain, have years of pent up anger and disappointment, and even under the best of situations, are rarely able to achieve completely unconditional support and patience in our treatment/recovery. there is a lot of baggage and distrust which complicates and compromises healing. In my case this is true of both myself with anxiety and depression, and my husband with adhd.

I am so thankful to this forum and the generosity of its participants for reiterating what i know intuitively: we all want and need the same things. we all want and need to be accepted and loved. we all screw up badly and need to be forgiven - or at least understood. At what point this is no longer possible is up to the individual, but I know that what has been shared on this forum has helped me broaden my expectations and confront the realities of my own role in my adhd partner's pain and behavior and make me more of a participant in healing than a participant in the pain of behaviors I hope are in the past. my increased ability to understand him has also led to his increased ability to understand HIS role as the adhd partner, in my reactivity and hurtful behavior towards him. I guess Im fortunate in that in my case, understanding and forgiveness so far seems to beget understanding and forgiveness.

Who knows if we'll stay together, who knows if we'll ever heal from years of pain. But we share responsibility for some amazing, innocent kids who don't deserve two parents who distrust and resent each other, so my goal now is to work on rewiring my own brain to deal with the reality we are in -  and to work at removing blame and guilt from the equation. 

Jon, your articulate expression of your own experiences and feelings, as well as the incredible empathy from other wives in situations similar to my own, have helped guide me down this path. I WANT to heal. I WANT to understand - and all of you are helping me. Thanks.

 

Pbartender's picture

I'll second that...

"I agree. One of our kids has a  neuro condition and the amount of therapy and love required to help him 'rewire' his brain function to accommodate this was incredible. The persistence and dedication required of him as a kid and us as parents, was exhausting. But he accomplished what was required to attain high function and to  move through life with virtually no sign of his condition. But this was achieved in a vacuum of sorts - with no baggage from years of hurt, devoted and motivated parents who were absolutely committed to his success, and the purity of future promise for a beautiful, loving, untainted child.I agree. One of our kids has a  neuro condition and the amount of therapy and love required to help him 'rewire' his brain function to accommodate this was incredible. The persistence and dedication required of him as a kid and us as parents, was exhausting. But he accomplished what was required to attain high function and to  move through life with virtually no sign of his condition. But this was achieved in a vacuum of sorts - with no baggage from years of hurt, devoted and motivated parents who were absolutely committed to his success, and the purity of future promise for a beautiful, loving, untainted child."

My son was diagnosed with autism in kindergarten.  He's now in 8th grade, and his story is much the same...  years of hard work by him, us, his teachers, his aides, and the school's counselor and psychologist, have turned him into a loving, thoughtful, independent young man.

Since I was diagnosed earlier this summer, my own son has become something of a role-model for me...  a hero of sorts.  His example has been my inspiration and motivation to make my own improvements, despite the ADHD.

If he can do it, so can I.

 

Pb.

What a great post!

You write very well Jon. I have stepped away from this site for a while because reading all the sad posts just began to be too much. Also being 3+ years post diagnosis and seemingly a long way from having a happy marriage makes me feel like I really don't have anything to say that will help anyone.

I don't have much time to post, but I wanted to say thanks.

Question

YYZ,

What do you think happened?  Did your DW get scared and withdraw? You know I am rooting for you, YYZ. 

You really do help a lot of people; I can tell by reading the responses to your posts.  I have gained a lot from knowing there are people here who know what it's like in the trenches, from both "sides."  I am not where I want to be, but I feel more in control just knowing that if I have a question, someone here will offer something helpful, you OBVIOUSLY included, and that I can apply that help.  You have been wonderful with your insightful empathy, practical solutions, and to help me clarify my thinking. included.  The thing is, NONE of us, ADHD, or non-ADHD, can control our spouses.   That's why I am feeling better working on myself and moving forward.  I can't help it if my husband won't bury the hatchet (or shred the nuclear code, as the case may be).  This morning, he asked me not to leave fruit in the colander in the sink.  I wanted to react with verbal vomit and refute the charge.  Instead, I paused and said, "O.K."  A few seconds later, I realized he was right about what he said:  I have been doing that a lot lately.  Then, he immediately followed it up with a second round of "Why did you tell our son to wear a sweatshirt today?"  For the second time, I explained to him it was a little chilly this morning, our son wanted the sweatshirt, and he was wearing a short sleeve shirt underneath, and he could just take it off if he wanted.  Didn't argue with him, but he clearly dismissed my calm reaction (not that I expect credit for 1 time), and without skipping a beat, had an imaginary charge waiting in the wings.   Awe inspiring?  Hardly.  But I am choosing to let it go.  It's the only way I can continue to take control of me, and not let my anger thwart me as much as my ADHD!  Easy to say, but now I'm doing it :). 

ADHDMomof2

Answer

My DW was stressed last night, because she committed to going out of town to help her brother. Today is our DD#1's first football game and we are chaperones, she stressed over missing it. When she is stressed she lashes out. She apologized this morning. She is trying to work on her anger and jealousy which she has read some on these lately. I'm glad and I will certainly give her time to work on her issues as I work on mine.

Thanks for saying these things about me, I do appreciate it. I'm rooting for you too, by the way :)