I've been reading through these forums tonight and seeing a lot of consistent things. Many of them echo the same things that my wife (non ADD) and I (ADD) deal with on a regular basis. We've been married for 14 years and have worked through many issues including her frustration with me and my ADD. I realized tonight what one of the biggest causes of friction is when we get in an argument and I see the the same thing through other posts. It has to do with how we respond to my forgetting to do something that was asked of me.
My daughter told me last night that her curtain rod had fallen down. it was later in the evening and i was in the middle of working on something so i told her that i would fix it in the morning. Tonight my wife went into her room and saw it and began to get upset and ask why it had come off of the wall. That's when i remembered that i needed to fix it and that i had forgotten. I took the blame and as most ADDers felt bad that i had forgotten. Then came the question that many of you ask: " why can't you just remember to do it?"
and that is just one of the many things that i "forget" or "dont' think about." its not because it's not important to me.
Why didn't you put the dishes away? - I forgot
Why didn't you move the clothes from the washer to the dryer? - i forgot
Why didn't you make the bed?- i forgot/ i didn't think about it
Why can't you just do the simple things i ask? because i forget. and i forget very easily. I'm sorry.
So i say to all, please hold me accountable. don't get mad and go off and do it yourself. instead of asking why, try asking again, the same way you asked the first time. Will you put the dishes away? I agree, you shouldn't have to ask again. However, the fact is, I will forget and no amount of yelling or making me feel an inch tall for forgetting is going to change the way my mind processes things. That only causes me to stop trying and pull away. Asking me again will help me remember without making me feel like an idiot for forgetting the first or second time. Most of all, please be patient with me.
Things you may not know because many are too self conscious to share: My ADD has caused me to:
Beat myself up over and over again for not being good enough.
Be self conscious about my short comings and worry about letting people down.
be anxious all the time because i feel that there are things that need to be done that perhaps i have forgotten to do but i can't remember what they are.
worry about who i may upset today because i wasn't able to complete something that would seem simple to most folks.
So please don't ask me "why." More than likely i've already asked that question of myself and spent too much time looking for the right answer. An answer that never comes.
Just a thought that i wanted to share. Have a good night.