I dont know what to do now

I have been married for 13 years and found out a few years ago I had ADHD.  It all made since, the trouble in school, making the wrong decisions, trouble with financial reports etc.  I have ruined my marriage, alienated my wife, kids and her family.  Im loosing my wife and son in a current divorce.  Work is fine and starting to really improve.  My medication does not seem to work for long, maybe a few hours.  But I have made the choices that got me here.  How much of that can be ADHD?  I fell like its a copout to blame the ADHD.  I could see this all coming but  its like it was a hologram and I could not reach out and touch it or stop it.  Now I have no idea what to do.  I do not see any way to salvage the situation im in now.  It really seems like some of our problems were her fault, but I feel like if I even think of blaming her, I must be wrong.  I dont want this to effect my work.  All I have is working to hopefully pay for a decent and much improved life for my wife and son.  Is there any personal help that is available at no or little charge?  Money is tight for another month, then it will be much better, but I need help now.  How can a man with ADHD, who has done the things that I see time and time again on this site,  ever regain his life?  An apology seems pathetic and would be not well received anyway.  Im at the end of my rope and not looking for sympathy, just understand and some real one to one help/counseling.

Alone and deserve it