I drink

I drink to cope with my ADHD spouse.  If I were stronger, I would quit.  I am an alcoholic, though extremely high-functioning.  But the stress is too much for me.  I have a new job as a tenure track professor.  It is like being a first year teacher plus some extra stress.  I must work a lot and he takes care of the children and does not make me feel bad about working.  But right now I have 8 load of laundry to do.  The dishes have not been done in 2 weeks (parts are done but not all).  My daughters' carpets are a disgusting mess.  He does not do one educational thing for them all day long.  I cry when I think about it, and then I drink.  Then I can feel.  I don't always feel better but at least I feel.  He went off his antidepressant without medical supervision a few weeks ago.  I decided to bike 5 miles to work instead of having him drive me because I could not take his irritability after that.  It receded a bit.  Now he is out of Adderrall.  He went to his (new) primary care phyisician.  He did not get it renewed.  He has to go through the mental health provider that I asked him to call 2 weeks ago.  I don't even care about I told you so.  I care about being attacked and abused because he does not have meds. He had some old Ritalin but ran out today.  We had a huge fight and I just asked him about the meds.  I should have known.  Why must I go on this roller coaster? Do I need to make having drugs a condition of marriage?  THAT SUCKS