I fear I am being emotionally abusive and I can't stop

Hi there,

I am posting for the first time. I have been with my husband who has ADHD (mixed type) for about 1.5 years and married for about 2 months. We have our large family wedding coming up in 2 months and he hasn't done anything for it. He was supposed to get addresses for certain guests to invite them-still hasn't happened (so none of them have gotten save the dates), he was supposed to organize the music-no follow through and he hasn't done anything regarding his groomsmen's outfits or organizing them in anyway. He gets angry saying that I have made all the decisions for this wedding, but has poor insight into the fact that he hasn't followed through on what he claimed would be his part. I had asked him to get the addresses 7 months ago and as I said before it hasn't been done. What he has gotten is the result of my standing over him while he e-mailed/called. Today I am home alone, on a day he was supposed to finish up on wedding things...he decided to stay over a friend's house last night and is now at the beach.


Overall I have gotten depressed and angry over all the wedding stuff, and I am scared that this is going to be a metaphor for our life together. Him wanting to do something, me not trusting him to do it but letting him anyway, then he not following through and me getting angry and insulting.


To make matters worse, he had been on medications for the past few years, got into medical school and did well his first year. Over the summer break he decided to stop the meds and he has started taking even longer then before to do anything (a simple e-mail to a friend who is tie dying for us for the wedding took him 1 hour to write-it was horrible). He admits that he takes longer to do things, but also feels "more like myself" now that he is off the meds. I give him feedback about my concerns and he doesn't really hear me. I am scared he is like someone who is bipolar and goes off their meds when feeling well and thinks all is well and then comes crashing down. I have invested my life in this person (moved abroad, quite my job, changed everything) because I love him and his adventurous side. Now I am scared that this will all be a mess and this wedding planning is just the beginning. I can't seem to calm within the relationship because of this.

Please, any advice or perspective on this situation will be most helpful. I can't have a good, clear, calm communication with him because I am so upset and have been for sometime. I want this relationship to work and I hate what I have become. Help!