I feel almost nothing....

I have been married for 13 years.  Frustration has always been a part of the marriage but I could deal with it.  The last 2 years though, I have finally reached my limit.  After a very up and down year my husband finally agreed to marriage counseling.  He has admitted that he is depressed and acknowledges that he shows all signs of being severely ADHD.  We have been to two sessions with a counselor that specializes in couples therapy as well as adult ADHD/ADD.  Hubby did complete the written evaluation the therapist asked him to do (after 7 days of me nagging him to do it) but has yet to agree to a full evaluation and has said that he will not, under any circumstances, go on medication.  But at least the counseling is a little progress.  The sessions have been lack luster at best with us only exploring basic communication methods, which I do realize is important.  But neither of us has opened up about anything really.  I will say that it seems that hubby is trying at times.  My problem?  When he does try, I am not impressed.  I almost feel like it is just too little to late.  He still isn't really taking much initiative but does do things if I ask him to (though not in any hurry).  He has even brought me flowers, given me some time to myself etc.  Again, I just say "Thanks".  I can't seem to muster up any real appreciation.  I feel terrible about this but I seem to be reacting to everything with skepticism.  This is really troublesome to me but I just don't know how to get myself back to a place that I can see him/us in a positive light.  Part of the issue is that the tension is still there.  We can be having a grand time and with one word or phrase one of us takes it the wrong way and *boom* silent tension and we retreat to separate rooms.  That is when I really start to think about all of my options and the serious possibility that the best thing would be for us to be apart for a while.  Wondering if a little distance might help us both.  I hate feeling like this.

Feelings....

Hubby has ADHD and does not ever appreciates my effort towards his disorder..I have tried and tried but he won't get evaluated or take meds..I know how this could feel..he is getting worse by the hour and there is no improvement whatsoever..thinking of separating a long long long time now..the things that have been stopping me is his "hyper focused" sometimes on me just never really seem to leave just yet...sometimes he would be so nice and sometimes he is a different person..I am married to two different men..this is very frustrating and overwhelming at times...he has no filter for his mouth and he loves to be a bully...I have to give him a long rest and if we are meant to be then we are I guess...I am putting aside my love for now for the protection of my sanity...

I am traumatized by this..this is no easy decision,but when I really think and look deep I have nothing to lose besides the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with..last night was a breaking point for me..he did something to me that I don't think I can forgive him for..he just don't respect me at all..this cannot fly with me..there is boundaries and rules and he breaks them all.

from:lovehurts..

Brain disorder...

It is difficult to hear that you have a "Brain Disorder", so your DH may not have processed / grieved completely from learning about his ADD. I did not learn of my ADD until I had been married for 13 years and was 43 years old. I was lucky, because I knew two guys who were ADD and I knew what they were like off the meds and so I knew the meds helped. I would suggest your DH talking to an psychiatrist (ADD Specialist) by himself, which will take some pressure off of him and make him less defensive hearing about ADD. The meds scared me, until my doctor told me how they worked in an ADDer. Let me tell you, 30 minutes after my first Adderall it was like someone took a wet blanket off my brain. I could not believe how much better I felt, it was truly amazing... The meds are just the start of a long road in the treatment of ADD. Decades of poor coping skills to undo and replace with healthier ones.

Unfortunately, nobody can fix him except himself. Your DH Must do the work. 

Best wishes...

I've Felt That Too

Seems too little too late n mostly, just not enough consistent change.

On a sad note...

My husband bought me flowers for mother's day (one of the only times he's recognized it since we were dating), I went in my room n secretly cried. I kept them on the table til they were crumbling and people were teasing me cuz they were dead.

I'm not normally an overly emotional person, so this is super embarrassing, but once after he did the dishes, the first time in years, the same thing happened. I got so choked up I had to run to the shower n cry.

The lack of complete participation in a marriage by a spouse apparently will do that.

It's like when you see a glimmer of hope, you just know the past and lack of consistency.

It smashes your heart all over again beyond the initial devastation....

trapped

I'm with you...after yet another 'argument' tonight I so want him out of my life. I feel nothing but distaste and resentment.  Counseling does not help we have been going on and off for 15 years, how many times can you talk about the same damn thing ?  He expects me to throw a party if he remembers to put his pants in the laundry instead of on the floor right Next to the basket,a nd we talked about pciking up his clothes for a whole hour at one session....are you kidding me ??  ADHD or not I am sick and tired of the behaviors and being the slave of the household. Worst of all is i see my 14 year old son turning into the self-centered person my husband is. he used to be such a sweet kid...he has ADHD too but he is turning into a little bratt....ok maybe some of that is just being a teen, another difficult thing how do you know what is ADHD and what is pure teen brattiness. I am SO sick of it all, not the life I was promised...I feel I was tricked. I know I know, thats what happens and so many people have said the same thing, but it doesn't change the feelings of hurt, disappointment and resent.   Trapped in a loveless marriage.

Heather1026's picture

Psych ward

Lemon 25

lovehurtsinanger

lostbutinlove

You need serious help.  Preying for people on this site who are really dealing with ADHD is psychotic.  Go to the hospital.