I feel invisible to him....anyone relates?

I feel completely alone and the loneliness feels so much worse when you are actually in a relationship. I love him to bits and so does he but on a day to day basis sometimes I feel invisible to him. (He has ADD and I don't) Even the tiniest issue about him has to be discussed and addressed as it feels of major importance to him (and I'm always there and happy to support him). Then when I feel sad or under the weather I'm on my own. Or even worse he starts by being calm and 'listening' but by the end of the conversation he ends up being mean and hurtful to me....as whatever he's told me doesn't magically make me feel better! Anyone relates to this?

Our situation is a bit complex. We've known each other well over 15 years, and been close friends all these years. He broke up from a long term relationship 7 months ago and is still moving on emotionally speaking. Do ADD'ers take longer in the grieving process? On the other hand I'm still going through my divorce (split up over 2years ago). Since he hasn't healed emotionally from his previous relationship he does not feel ready to go public with our relationship so it's a struggle all the time to keep it secret. Therefore as you can see we both got a lot to struggle with. I am in the process of changing jobs, moving house and facing my divorce case in court. While he has a very stressful job, moving on from his past relationship and has ADD.

When we are in a calm mood its amazing the fulfilling conversations we have! But so many other times it's a struggle to communicate.....especially when I am in bad shape!

Any insights? pls help