I have adhd and he cheated on me

I have ADHD, and my fiance cheated on me? I love him soooo much but it hurts so much... i am so lost on what to do? any other ADHD spouse been cheated on and were you able to fix it........  a long back story behind it, to make it as short as i can, there are some important facts to this story

i am one of the most honest people you will meet , i don't lie , the thing my dad  always said to me was i will be mad at you for a moment if you do something wrong but if you lie about  what you did i will be disappointed  with you.  and truth be told i cant lie  cause i have a hard enough time remembering the truth... honesty and trust are humongous deals to me...my friends in college who knew and liked me even before i was properly medicated for the ADHD would say " with her what you see is what you get" and "she would not ever intently hurt some one" .

I like every one in the world have issues, since i was young i was diagnosed with very bad anxiety with paranoia(not gov watch me kind, just people talking bout me kind,trust issues) and depression , and finally properly diagnosed with ADHD. since 11(now 34) i have been on some kind of   medication,in  intense talk therapy, group therapy and cognitive therapy....

I had been medication free other then (adderall for ADHD and the rare  PRN of xanax when i needed it) for at least 2 and half years before even meeting my fiance.  I was completely under control.

I had no interest in marriage,  never asked about it , never  wanted to get married  i think i feared it due to  my ADHD ...i just never wanted it.... my dream was to find someone who i trusted, knew they loved me, and wanted to be with... and own property and dogs with. wanted to be in a committed relationship.

3 weeks later due to the horrible economy he got laid off.... that was Sept... but my parents and him were looking at places ( my mom was stressing me so he was dealing with looking at places and i was in the middle of busy time in my work.  Jan the day  b4 when i was supposed to go to a wedding bazaar with his mom and mine... i got off work early and my paranoia had been creeping up on me for a bit but i kept telling myself it was cause of stress... well i called him and i don't remember what but i wound up looking up the cell phone bill and he had been talking to this girl (who i found out did not know he was engaged and he had gone to her house with friends to watch eagles game and  from her mouth  they just kissed..... i did not handle this well .... i was violent to him,(i have never hit anyone , i normally take anger out on myself)(I AM SMALLER THEN HIM) but no one deserves to get hit....and well when i get mad (hurt) i know i can be very mean.... we did therapy and counseling and i thought things were getting better..... then same time the next year another bump ( no cheating just lieing to me) the last two years have been good and bad....   HERE IS WHERE I WENT WRONG I DID NOT GO BACK TO THE THERAPIST THAT WORKED BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT COVERED UNDER MY INSURANCE AND I DID NOT GO BACK ON MEDICATION EVEN THOUGH I WAS SEVERALLY DEPRESSED AND MY PARIONIA CAME BACK AS BAD AS IT HAD EVER BEEN)..... he claims the last 2 years i have had my foot on him, emotionally blackmailed him (which i did) but its not like he does not know my parents , where he could have taken me there house broken up with me and known they would not let me hurt myself ), and he was so miserable that he needed a relief.. which is a sack of crap , worst part he had me and my parents convinced i was going crazy cause i swore things were not right...

we are hitting 5 and 1/2 years now due bumps in the road and i just found out he had had sex with this one girl a few times over the last year???? had a secret phone, and basically been lying to me.... while i have been begging him for sex and let me say i know i am not a ugly girl at all and am good at sex.... but on his suggestion we were looking at bigger houses to buy... making plans and dream....  

it and i am not sure  but are there any other ADHD people out there who have been cheated on how do you handle it. cause i am a complete mess and part of me want to get rid of him..but i love him soo much and i don't even want to imagine him not in my life but how can i ever trust him again... he is not even sure it will work.... i am soo lost..... it was the moment he put the ring on my finger things went to hell....

 

sorry i babble ADHD and my heart feels like someone ripped it out ran over it 30 times and i then swallowed.... i have been non functional ....i am back with my good therapist... i am seeing her 2 times a week my dad even comes and picks me up and drives me to make sure i go.. i am that bad right now...i am not going to kill my self but i really don't feel like waking up anymore... its bad.... and  WHAT DO U THINK I SHOULD DO

 

You're not going to like this

You're not going to like this advice but I think it's time to get some distance from this guy. Can you possibly move back in with your parents? It sounds like they are very supportive of you.

I don't have ADHD, but my husband does, and I've done my fair share of research. There are a few folks on here that do have ADHD, so hopefully they will respond.

You may love this guy, but he has repeated cheated on you in thought and in action for some time now, and gone above and beyond to hide it from you. You deserve so much better than that. He could just be a cad or he could just not be able to handle your ADHD and other emotional problems. It sounds that you are very eager to control those problems, which is awesome, but you need someone who is going to support you in that, not add to your struggles.

On making the decision, you need to decide what is worse: making a break now or making the break later after he's done it again.

I wish you the best in your decisions. Try to focus on you.