I have ADHD, and my fiance cheated on me? I love him soooo much but it hurts so much... i am so lost on what to do? any other ADHD spouse been cheated on and were you able to fix it........  a long back story behind it, to make it as short as i can, there are some important facts to this story

i am one of the most honest people you will meet , i don't lie , the thing my dad  always said to me was i will be mad at you for a moment if you do something wrong but if you lie about  what you did i will be disappointed  with you.  and truth be told i cant lie  cause i have a hard enough time remembering the truth... honesty and trust are humongous deals to me...my friends in college who knew and liked me even before i was properly medicated for the ADHD would say " with her what you see is what you get" and "she would not ever intently hurt some one" .

I like every one in the world have issues, since i was young i was diagnosed with very bad anxiety with paranoia(not gov watch me kind, just people talking bout me kind,trust issues) and depression , and finally properly diagnosed with ADHD. since 11(now 34) i have been on some kind of   medication,in  intense talk therapy, group therapy and cognitive therapy....

I had been medication free other then (adderall for ADHD and the rare  PRN of xanax when i needed it) for at least 2 and half years before even meeting my fiance.  I was completely under control.

I had no interest in marriage,  never asked about it , never  wanted to get married  i think i feared it due to  my ADHD ...i just never wanted it.... my dream was to find someone who i trusted, knew they loved me, and wanted to be with... and own property and dogs with. wanted to be in a committed relationship.

3 weeks later due to the horrible economy he got laid off.... that was Sept... but my parents and him were looking at places ( my mom was stressing me so he was dealing with looking at places and i was in the middle of busy time in my work.  Jan the day  b4 when i was supposed to go to a wedding bazaar with his mom and mine... i got off work early and my paranoia had been creeping up on me for a bit but i kept telling myself it was cause of stress... well i called him and i don't remember what but i wound up looking up the cell phone bill and he had been talking to this girl (who i found out did not know he was engaged and he had gone to her house with friends to watch eagles game and  from her mouth  they just kissed..... i did not handle this well .... i was violent to him,(i have never hit anyone , i normally take anger out on myself)(I AM SMALLER THEN HIM) but no one deserves to get hit....and well when i get mad (hurt) i know i can be very mean.... we did therapy and counseling and i thought things were getting better..... then same time the next year another bump ( no cheating just lieing to me) the last two years have been good and bad....   HERE IS WHERE I WENT WRONG I DID NOT GO BACK TO THE THERAPIST THAT WORKED BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT COVERED UNDER MY INSURANCE AND I DID NOT GO BACK ON MEDICATION EVEN THOUGH I WAS SEVERALLY DEPRESSED AND MY PARIONIA CAME BACK AS BAD AS IT HAD EVER BEEN)..... he claims the last 2 years i have had my foot on him, emotionally blackmailed him (which i did) but its not like he does not know my parents , where he could have taken me there house broken up with me and known they would not let me hurt myself ), and he was so miserable that he needed a relief.. which is a sack of crap , worst part he had me and my parents convinced i was going crazy cause i swore things were not right...

we are hitting 5 and 1/2 years now due bumps in the road and i just found out he had had sex with this one girl a few times over the last year???? had a secret phone, and basically been lying to me.... while i have been begging him for sex and let me say i know i am not a ugly girl at all and am good at sex.... but on his suggestion we were looking at bigger houses to buy... making plans and dream....  

it and i am not sure  but are there any other ADHD people out there who have been cheated on how do you handle it. cause i am a complete mess and part of me want to get rid of him..but i love him soo much and i don't even want to imagine him not in my life but how can i ever trust him again... he is not even sure it will work.... i am soo lost..... it was the moment he put the ring on my finger things went to hell....

sorry i babble ADHD and my heart feels like someone ripped it out ran over it 30 times and i then swallowed.... i have been non functional ....i am back with my good therapist... i am seeing her 2 times a week my dad even comes and picks me up and drives me to make sure i go.. i am that bad right now...i am not going to kill my self but i really don't feel like waking up anymore... its bad.... and  WHAT DO U THINK I SHOULD DO