OK, this is delicate. My spouse and I both had alcoholic parents. Happily, the issue was outed in my family. My spouses family never really came clean about it. Denial is rampant.
I have ADHD--diagnosed after about 15 hours of testing and a QEEG. My daughter has ADHD and dyslexia. And I think my son probably has ADHD. I'm pretty "out" about most of my stuff. My wife, on the other hand, is pretty private.
I am increasingly convinced she has some attentional issues--maybe not as severe as mine, but they are material. This can be a problem . . . For example, when it comes to shopping, I'm big on lists. They rein me in at the store and they help me stay focused on what we need. At one point I made a template list, organized by aisle at our favorite grocery store, to stay organized and speed things up. Hyper-organized, yes. But it worked. My wife threw it away. She says she just "knows" what to pick up.
How do I become more of a team with my wife? I'm not interested in forcing her to self-label. I've realized that fights like that are not useful. But how do we work as a team? I have a lot more to say about this and will try to put some more thoughts in another post.