I have asked the webmaster to remove ALL my posts.....EXCEPT THIS ONE...

Hello again all you good people.

I have asked the webmaster to promptly remove all of my posts.   Why ?   I used this forum to vent my frustrations.   Enough said.   I am starting on a new program to effectively deal with my frustrations and specifically with anger management which has shown its ugly head once too often towards my wife who has ADD.   I am now in the care of a professional specifically for me and my problem.   I have reacted all too often on things I now know to be due to ADD.   My beautiful wife's new ADD diagnosis is wonderful news for me and her as well I hope.   I am learning, everyday, to be more responsible myself.   I do not have ADD as far as I know but I too am forgetfull and probably show ADD symptoms when I am tired.   When I am tired I have less patience so that's another change I am going to make.   Get proper rest!   Proper eating habits.   Exercise.  Learn to enjoy life again and let go of the gloom and doom and replace it with LIVIN.   I want to live my life, and enjoy it.  There is no way I am going back to the old me.   I am still married to a beautiful ADD person who is way smarter then I am, whose smile is something to see.   When she smiles, I see God shining through and through and that makes me the luckiest person on earth.   Yes she has ADD, but what about me ?   I have anger to resolve.   Which is worse?  I would say anger!   For those of you who are also angry at your spouses ADD, please, get help!   Please do not belittle your spouse or nag her/him anymore.   Please understand that they too are hurting and only desire a more joyfull life.   They are not going to find it with a person who is angry at them, like the soon to be old me.   They will find it when their partner, friend, lover, who ever you may be, show to them that you accept them the way they are.   This has been a excruciatingly difficult lesson for me to learn, accept.  Life's short.   Spend it loving them instead of looking for misery because you will find that misery right in your own heart.   It will show it's uglyness because it doesn't tolerate what it does not know.   This has been my experience.   I have always loved my wife but I've tried to hard to help and in doing so, I made her feel like a child.   My God, she is anything but a child.   She needs my help like anyone else but the last thing she needed was someone to watch over her and try to correct problem areas.   As I learn more about ADD, I learn that I screwed up by reacting the way I did.   I could not even remember saying the things I said that how screwed up I became in my reactions.   Is this what my wife needed ?  No!   She needed me to listen to her and listen well.   Kind of difficult for a man to listen isn't it!   I couldn't listen because my heart was at it's breaking point so what did I do ?   I became someone I myself do not know and anger showed it's nasty face.  No more!  No matter what happens to us, I am making a commitment to let go of all the things that get in the way of loving someone period.   I also made a commitment to get the help I need for me.   And I have special close friends praying for me to reach this goal.  

Yes my wife has ADD.   She is still the most beautiful person with a wonderful soul and I love her.   She may never forgive me for the things she heard coming out of my mouth.   I wish I could take it all back but I can't.   I said it, I own it, I too have to accept my new diagnosis and I have.   I spoke with a nice Christian lady who is an expert in this.   She understand why anger took over me.   She knows I want to do what ever it takes to never go there again.   She wanted to see us both but I asked that we work on me first.   I don't know if my wife will change her mind, if she'll go with me to get the help we now need to learn to live with these new problems we both face.   Someone once told me that I should write a book if it all works out.   I just want it to work out and leave the book writing to the professionals who if they wish, can use me as a tool to teach others that it is really up to each of us to see the best in our life partners.   Respect!   I showed little of that for a long time and I know it.   How wrong, how sad.  I wish I would have got the help I need sooner but I would not have got it from the wonderful lady who is working on me now.   So in a way, it is a blessing for me to have found her at this time as I did not know she existed before.   Other counsellors have nothing on her so what would I have learned from them ?   She has high hopes for me and I trust her with my need to be the new person I want to be.   My own dad who passed away some time ago had a serious anger problem as I was the recipient of it often.   I will do everything it takes to remove him from my memory and his anger from my life, what ever it takes.   My Psychologist is not finished with me yet LOL.  

My wife is more important then anything in this world, even me.   I will not beg her to stay.   I will miss her to the piont where I will not want to see the sun come up again.   I understand her frustrations with me as I hope she can one day understand what frustrated me.   There is something else I need to do for myself that I will not present here.   It is between me and my God who loves us all in a perfect way.   It is He who came to my rescue.   I feel alive again and hopeful and I will thank Him in my special way.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"    Ghandi