I have got to set the record straight here!

Hello to everyone out there.  I am sitting at my computer, awake because I can't force myself to sleep. I have been crying for the last hour, although it feels like the last decade..and we've only been together six years.  I am crying because despite the ADHD diagnosis, and the fact that one of our children has ADHD, my husband refuses to take any initiative to learn about the disorder that is destroying our lives. In fact, even when I "spoon feed" him the information, he gets angry about me "downloading on him". I wonder often why he even married me and HAD children when he answers to no one but himself.  Of course, he's got a million reasons for why he's late every single night, why he can't help in the middle of the night with our two babies (can't function at work the next day... PLEASE!) Why he's so irrational (We didn't NEED a double stroller..I could just CARRY one baby...however he could smoke.), why he's controlling, selfish, and completely ignores everyone else's needs all the time. I have dragged him to every kind of therapy I can think of under the guise of it's BOTH of our problems that keep ruining this marriage.  I have chosen to forgive over and over and over and picked up the slack...I am basically a single parent, as he owns his own business, and when he IS home is glued to the t.v. because he needs some "down time". I have explained his "good intentions" to all of the people close to me countless times, when he's been downright mean to me, callous to other's feelings and superior in his attitude. I am absolutely miserable around him. He is critical, undependable, and completely disinterested in anything I have to say. I have cried myself to sleep I don't even KNOW how many times, wondering how on earth I got myself into this...married to a man who, though he says he loves me, acts like he couldn't care less...unless I really blow.  Then it's all roses...for a few days...until the stimulation wears off. After that, we're back to square one.  If you wonder why on earth I have stayed this long, the answer is this.  We have three children and I wanted to try everything I could to give them a happy family.  On top of that, I am a stay at home mom, with no income of my own, and no family nearby. I have felt completely trapped. I STILL feel terrified at the prospect of even trying to end this. When I tell him I want a separation and that I'd like him to leave, he simply tells me he's not going anywhere.  Great.  By the way, and here's the real reason for this post. I HAVE ADD.  I have all the natural tendencies that are ruining the lives of so many here.  I asked a close friend today, if I have ADD, and I care VERY much about others, am very sensitive to their needs and feelings, and do not always put myself first, how is this possible that all of these other people with ADD and ADHD can be such JERKS to others??! His response was, "You have a heart."  I do NOT put my needs in front of my children's. I do not change the rules all the time because I feel like it. If I say I'll be there for them or will do something for them (or my husband for that matter) I MEAN IT! It hasn't been easy, and I've had to do a lot of work on myself, I had to let fo of my pride and humble myself to admit there was a lot I was messing up, but if you care you DO THE WORK! ADD and ADHD are not an excuse to be a terror to the people in your life.  The people that you have CHOSEN to have in your life and often in your care are a GIFT and they should not be abused! Let me repeat myself, ADD and ADHD are not excuses to ruin the lives of others.  There is so much you can do to make things better.  I wish, for my children's sake, that their father would do the work...and I hope for my sake, that I have the strength to do the right thing, whatever it may be.