I have had a major shift today in my heart

I have had a breakthrough.  I have found a name for my own stuckness.  This is a snippet from an article in CHADD's Attention magazine:

"COMPASSION FATIGUE IS THE PRICE WE MAY SOMETIMES PAY for the compassion we feel for others who are struggling, and for working tirelessly to help them improve their lives. Among its tell-tale signs is emotional exhaustion. We feel worn out, our spark is gone, and that light at the end of the tunnel is fading fast. While its effects have been studied mostly by experts in the field of traumatic stress, some experts now believe it actually casts a wider net than originally thought. Teachers can suffer from compassion fatigue. So can therapists. So can spouses. And so can parents of children with learning and behavioral challenges. The good news is that it’s reversible. "

I have probably read this basic information a million times in other articles, books or magazines. Today, it was put into a quote that settled right in my own heart of understanding.  I have a sense of myself today in: THAT'S ME!  

If you can name it, you can fix it.  

Compassion Fatigue

Yes.  Good phrase to know.  Putting a name on it is helpful,

If I have to nurture dh while he is busy nurturing himself trying to calm his own agitated brain and overwhelm. It drains me but if I don't do it, then our life is nothing more than drinking beer, hiding and playing games....there is no motivation in him to grow or contribute...just play and distract himself.  It seems he is not able to partner WITH me toward any goal, he just uses me to "look" like a respectable married person. He just uses me to think of himself as a respectable person.  I would like some attention and partnership.  It seems like a one way street.  We both support him to do what?  Act like an irresponsible developmentally disabled child?  I am compassion fatigued and sickened when I see this man child embrace my girl friends too long, flirt with waitresses, show off with bravado how he has "no worries - a carefee Mr. hapless lucky guy".

The one that I need to count on is somewhere else, urging OTHER people to count on him. Not noticing that I have been holding him up while he ignores me.