My husband and I had an agreement - a last ditch hail mary to try and save our relationship. You can read all that junk if you want to have the background: http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/trying-something-different-one-last-...
Basically, since we made the deal about him moving out - so many things happened. Friends of ours had a tragic fire and lost everything including their oldest son. This is a family with a blind mother, and this son was her help and right hand man while the husband worked. There are also 2 other special needs children who survived, but they literally had NOTHING left. So the money we set aside for him to move out went to them (gladly so - I love them and dont begrudge it at all). My husband even seemed to be working hard on things. He started taking his meds which helped some with daily chores and how he treated me in general (much nicer and at least said things like "hi" etc when he got home). He was doing good with his coaching for the first month, accomplishing goals etc. The last feww weeks it seems that he is going back to the old habbits....just like the usual slide back to how things were before. Only right now - he is still living in the house with me, and there isnt money for him to move out. He has stopped actively working on the 3rd support of this which is counseling. There are issues from the past that prevent him from being anything more than a roomate.
Ok - so thats the current status.
I know most of you are probably in similar situations as I am in. With someone who you love dearly - and who you THOUGHT loved you too- but they seem to be on autopilot, only giving the minimal affection and attention to keep things floating, with the occasional week or two of altered behavior to correct things after a long talk etc.
When I was married to my late husband, we got pregnant but I lost the baby. This was really traumatic for me and its always been a very emotional thing for me even to talk about. I shared the experience with my husband several times as part of us getting to know one another etc. This past weekend we went to see Maleficent and I happily brought up the subject of the names I had picked for my baby if she would have been a girl (one of them being Aurora from sleeping beauty). He looked at me with a blank face. He had no idea what I was talking about. I had to prompt him SEVERAL times for him to finally remember. It felt like a slap in the face - I mean, we have known eachother for 20 years and have been together romantically for 5. You would think that your partner would remember such a key moment in your life right? Am I wrong? He cant name my favorite color, he cant remember where I am from, he literally would fail a test about me that even a casual friend could easily pass. So, that hurt me immensely. And while I usually try to blow that off as a symptom of ADHD - this was just too much. This was the only child I ever had shot at having and I was so happy and excited about it. And he didnt even remember.
To try and mitigate the damage and step back and talk about it in a way to express how it bothered me and to try and work on this from the perspective of the ADHD versus taking it personal - I brought it up last night. I said I would like to talk to him, and I waited until the show we were watching was over. I said that something happened when we went to the movies, and then I explained that it hurt me that he didnt remember that I had that experience. He didnt even remember THAT! I could tell! Then suddenly he said he remembered and then said that he just wasnt able to remember the names etc. And then... I asked him to tell me what he thought the conversation was and it was not even REMOTELY the same thing. He said I was talking about boy names, and how I wasnt sure if it was a boy or girl etc. COMPLETELY wrong. So - here I was on the couch trying to make this not personal, and then he could not even remember THAT conversation. I was just floored. And something inside me snapped. I realized it would never be better. It was always going to be this way. That I would always feel sidelined to the things he felt were important - like his games etc. I mean, he can remember every detail of things he needs to do for his sport stuff and for his video game stuff, and he never forgets what he says and does with his friends. And he is like clockwork with his mom and daughter.
I read posts here from people who got out and their only regret was not doing it sooner. I occasionally read about the successful ones, but they are so few and far between. I just cant imagine it. And while if I wanted to have a shallow relationship with someone who would never really KNOW me (because nothing about me is a big deal to them other than when they want some new toy) I could stay and live like this.
The last time he kissed me was 12/9/2012 and it was because he was drunk. It was the last time he ever kissed me with any passion. Since the, the only physical contact I have had with him would be something he could do with his mom and daughter or his best friend.
Anyone have any thoughts on this? Please read the link above to get some history so that you nkow the lengths I have already gone through. This has been a long fight and I think I might be ready to just walk away.