This is the first time I've posted. My husband has ADHD. We discovered this after my son was diagnosed. The issue is that I am simply exhausted all the time picking up and organizing everything for the two of them. They help and do their best, but frankly, it's not enough. I'm also tired of always having to repeat myself, always having to give "gentle reminders," and constantly ask them to "let me finish before you start interrupting!" I'm tired, tired, tired! They are on medication and are gentle and well-meaning. Well-meaning isn't enough.
I know that lumping my husband and son in the same familial category is probably the problem - but since he is incapable of sharing responsibilities with me -- the lines are drawn.
While I still love my husband very much, I have no sexual desire for him. Sex is just one more thing I have to do for him, one more chore. He does not understand that he is a high-maintainence spouse. He thinks he is no work at all. He is upset by my disinterest in sex and claims we lack "intimacy." For him "intimacy" = "sex"... no difference. I've tried to talk to him about what intimacy is to me. That it's a quality in a relationship where you feel validation and understanding in who you are and who they are - acceptance of that, and true reciprocity and empathy. Not possible here.
He only knows who I am through what I tell him - and even then he forgets. He often confuses past events with previous girlfriends - as events that happened with me... (These were previous relationships that ended no earlier than 10 years ago!) He says it was a slip and does not understand why this upsets me to the degree that it does. There are a lot of slips. He's confused photos of my son's classmates with my (and HIS) actual son! When I pointed it out, he said they have the same type of hair..... Isn't part of familial intimacy to recognize who the others in the family are ?!?! I could go on and on.....
I don't want to divorce, but I don't want sex either. I don't know what to do as the self-effacing demands are driving me crazy.