I have the same issues with my ADHD husband..... but really need some hope

Hello All,

I am a long-time reader of this site and forum. And so many posts are similar to my struggles with my untreated ADHD husband. His lying, avoidance, being financially irresponsible. All the pressure being on me to earn the majority of our income to support our family. And his constant empty promises or his lashing out and defensiveness.

We have been together about twelve years and married for seven and have five-year-old twins. And I am just so exhausted from it all.

I have similar stories to all of you. He just cant' get it together in some ways. The other day he couldn't afford groceries for our kids lunch. And many months he doesn't have enough for his half of the mortgage. I never know from month to month from week to week what he is earning and if he can pay any bills. And it doesn't help that he has a history of big lies from saying a car he paid for was stolen to forging my signature on my cheques to pay rent. Though these acts were a long time ago the mistrust is still there.

The house we are in I paid for alone, the car he drives I bought alone and pay the insurance, the kids activities and cloths I pay for. The house renovations all me. And while I'm good with money and make a good living I need him to at least have a steady income I can rely on. He does a lot of short-term work. Painting jobs. Little design jobs. Where he gets a 100 here and there. And sometimes more. I hate it.

And I've been working so hard for so many years I'd just like to think that some of the pressure can be off me for a while. I work full time at a government job but I'm also creative and would like mental time and space for that. But I feel he puts our lives into crisis a lot.

What I am looking for today is a glimmer of hope from you all. I don't want to get divorced. I actually love him very much. While financially he is a mess, he does work hard but seems unable to understand how to ensure he is paid well. And he does have a lot of intelligence and skills but seems unable to make a plan for his life and work. And while he can in some ways be defensive and selfish. He also in our day to day life is there for me and our boys. He's gentle and kind. And in many ways we have a lot in common. And similar ways at looking at the world.

I keep praying he gets his ADHD treatment rolling, starts taking meds regularly, sees an ADHD coach and just sticks with a treatment. Because I just need a little space to breath. Time to focus on me and not always his illness and the fall out from it. I want to enjoy our family and have a good quality of life. I've worked so hard for that and I deserve it. 

Please someone out there tell me there is hope. There is a light. Because I love him and I love our family. But I also need more stability to function and fully be the person I need to be. And right now I can't even look at him. I can't even open my mouth to yell or nag. I am just so tired.

Seeking your help in just feeling today a little more hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day.