I hope I'm right about him having ADHD. I pray I'm right because at least then I'll be able to not take things so personally.
Here's our story. We are both 30 and have 4 kids (5, 3, and 6 month old twins). He also has a son from a previous relationship. We've been dating on and off since high school, went to the prom together and then broke up during college (when he fathered his son). We got married soon after I graduated college. It was a whirlwind elopement and we were are strongest then. He doted on me and we had so much fun. He was irresponsible then, but I thought it was because we were both young and still figuring out how to be adults (go to work, pay bills on time, etc.)
Over the years he has been reliably unreliable. I can't count on him for anything, especially when it comes to money. I've learned to let go of the little day to day things, like not keeping the house clean or forgetting things I told him but the financial instability drives me absolutely up the wall and has me contemplating divorce. Recently, this aspect of our marriage has me looking into quickie divorce.
I went on maternity leave in October. Prior to this, we talked about how I would no longer be working and how he would have to take care of the family financially. It gave me huge anxiety because this is the one area in our lives in which he has consistently let me down, but I had little choice. So he got a job (making very little money at a temp agency) and did his best. His best was paying the rent (chronically late and incurring late fees) and buying groceries/gas. He ignored the light bill, phone bill, car insurance, etc. Even though he wasn't making much money, I know for a fact he could have paid the remainder of the bills because I have done it before on the same exact salary. I just overcompensated by using my short term disability checks to keep the lights on and phone one. I couldn't pay the car insurance because my disability didn't start coming until after the insurance company had cut us off, which infuriated me because I was with that company for over three years and he couldn't manage to pay the bill for one month! UGH!
Anyway, he got an opportunity to get a job driving a mini bus. When he told me he was going to leave his temp job and take the job driving, I was apprehensive because he has a horrible driving record and has had his license suspended many times (very common among ADHDers). I told him that I thought he wasn't eligible for that job because of his driving record, but he dismissed my concerns and said it wasn't a problem. Well of course it was, and he lost the job when they got his background check back citing all his traffic violations. He had depended on getting that job so much, that he had neglected to pay any bills that month choosing instead to go ahead and pay for everything needed to obtain the job (blood work, pay off fines for license, get a new license). So when it came time to pay the rent, he had nothing. In order to pay it, he had to ask my grandmother for the money upfront and then use my tax returns (his get garnished because he never paid his school loans back nor called to make arrangements) to pay her back. This was a crushing blow to me because we were planning on using the tax returns to buy a much needed van to transport our 5 children! On top of everything, we got turned down for a bigger apartment because of HIS credit report (ie the school loan he never bothered to pay).
He has done things like this for years. We've been married 6 years and there was only one year of our marriage when he held a job for the entire year. Other than that he goes from job to job or is unemployed for long periods of time leaving all the responsibility on me to handle every single bill and all the other things that comes with daily living. I think I could even handle the financial instability if he gave me the attention I so desperately crave. Yesterday, I came home and he was playing video games while the dishes were still in the sink, floor sticky and needed to be mopped, laundry not put away, etc. I just went about getting the dinner started. After I made it, I went to sit down and was hoping he'd stop playing and look at me. After all, I'd been at work all day. Surely, he must want to speak to his wife whom he hasn't seen in 10 hours. Nope. He just went right along playing his game as if I wasn't there for about 30 more minutes. Then he got up and didn't say a word to me, like I wasn't even there. Never asks how my day was or what is going on with me. The only things he talks about are television shows and movies. I can't take it anymore! I'm at the end of my rope.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I really needed to get it out in a forum where people may understand what I'm going through and not just say that my husband is a lazy good for nothing loser who needs to grow up. I really feel like something is wrong with him and I'm hoping that at least once I figure it out I'll be able to deal with him better and not see him as a monkey on my back, holding be back from having any type of better life.