I just don't know if I can do it anymore

My husband left me and our son 8 weeks ago.  We have been married 29 years so it is a big adjustment for me. At this point my husband says he is not getting any kind of help (he doesn't think he needs it) and is not coming back.  He threatens divorce just about every time I talk to him. He's said this so many times I can't count. Some days I feel a sense of freedom and some days I feel a devastating loss.  I keep remembering the early days of our marriage when things were good and he was focused on our relationship, was kind and loving.  Then at other times I think of how it has been the last several years and I don't think I can do that anymore even if he wants to come back.  I'm taking things day by day but really wonder what is my ultimate goal. I really don't know at this point.  I think I would like my husband in my life but not sure if I want him here as my husband.  This is hard for me because I really don't favor divorce but I'm really getting to the point in my life where the stress of dealing with him as his wife and his untreated ADHD was too overwhelming.  Do others feel this way?