.... but she says that she has never been in love with me. This is we will be married 14 years and we have two wonderful children, together. My wife is absolutely my best friend and the love of my life. I have gone to years of counseling to better understand the symptoms and I feel I have done a good job of letting go of the early frustrations I had because I just didn't understand. There are still times that she will say things that will raise the hair on the back of my neck but I just take a deep breath and remind myself that she didn't mean it "that way."
Four years ago we were having a difficult time with her oldest son who has ADHD and ODD and she allowed herself to "check out" of our relationship. She fell in love with a man online who in the end turned out to be a fraud. She, being very internet savvy was completely shocked. After that we kind of settled into a period in our marriage that was just amazing to me.
See, over the years I have always felt as though I was chasing her, in competition with someone else for her attention and never really had security. During the last few years I experienced a level of security that I had never felt with her before; I was loving my life.
Last year she decided to go back to work and we began bowling which put us around a lot of other men. It became increasingly difficult to have to compete for her time again. Many times her conversations with the other men became flirtatious and in several cases men propositioned her. I DO trust my wife to not cross lines but it is embarrassing and humiliating to have to shake the hand of a man that asked my wife to sleep with her (because I am not supposed to say anything to the guy - so he doesn't know that I am aware of his advance). To my wife these interactions are completely innocent but it's the men's perception that really matters here. I have tried to tell her that she is giving signals to a man that it is only natural for them to him to explore. I recently found out she was sending photos of herself to a man while we were on a date - I was heart broken more than anything else.
I have filed for divorce but after a few days reconsidered because I love her so much. She has expressed some interest in separating to get her head straight and HOPEFULLY come back to me .......... right now I am just trying to hold on. I don't want to put our kids through the emotional mess that will ensue and honestly, I don't want to be without my wife.
I hope and pray we are together forever but I am not sure what else I can do at this point.