DH and I have been married 29 yrs. I knew within a couple of months that something was different with him. He was diagnosed about 10 years later, tried one med, said it didn't work and dropped the whole thing. For the past 29 years I have been the responsible one. He has kept a job for the last 15 yrs (the first 14 were horrendous job-wise) but other than that everything has been on my shoulders. If something is done it is because I did it or reminded until it was done. It has been very stressful.
Now he has decided that all of our marital problems are my fault. It is the usual ADHD thing, he doesn't see his role at all. I've confessed not handling things correctly at times and apologized for what I know I did. I also tried to explain how the symptoms of ADHD had caused many of our difficulties. It doesn't matter to him. In his eyes it is ME. During this time he has decided to shut me out and embrace his family, whom he hasn't been close to for the entirety of our marriage. He has decided his sister is his confidante and best bud. He had surgery and was out of work for 12 weeks and he talked to her constantly on the phone. His sister is bad news. She has been divorced twice and doesn't have a positive outlook on marriage. She causes problems where ever she goes. She doesn't like me. She would like nothing better than to see me gone so they could be roomies. It is bizarre and a little creepy. After he returned to work they didn't talk for a month and things were starting to improve between us. The fits of anger he had been having calmed down and we had actually started having decent conversations about our relationship. So, his sister calls him this past week with a story that his mom (who she lives with) is deathly ill with her heart. So he drops work and runs down there two days ago. He promised me he would be back this afternoon. I made plans for us to do some things after he returned. I talked to his mom, she is not deathly ill. They did stuff the whole time he's been there. So, he calls and tells me that he decided not to come home today, he'll come home tomorrow. I told him he promised he would come home and he needed to keep his word. He said he had to do some laundry then he would be home. About the time he was supposed to be home he called again and said he was going to stay longer. It doesn't matter what I want or what I need it's about HIM. I'm so tired of things being this way. He won't get any treatment whatsoever, no meds, no counseling, nothing. I don't have the finances to make it on my own. I'm stuck. I could go on and on about the things that have happened, but it would just be a repeat of so much of what has been said here already.
So, the question is, how do I stop hoping things will improve, stop being hurt by his behavior and just make a life for myself and our son? I've realized that's really what I need to do.