not desperate, but needing advice now

I am the ADHD spouse, depression, some PTSD, manipulation and lying issues. I've been kicked out of our house with my son (who's similar to me) and am living in an even more stressful situation right now (my own mother). I feel stressed and dealing with high anxiety about not being with her again. She is simply this, the most amazing, beautiful, and down to earth woman I've ever known. and I've broken my wife's' trust and heart, not an affair physically, but yes one that was emotional. No, I wasn't getting attached emotionally, but affairs don't have to be physical right? I was talking to another woman while my wife was in Texas for 2 weeks,  I fully admit it was nice to vent to this woman, was nice to talk to someone, was nice to just relax and not focus on life I guess..There were some similarities that started the talking, she's older, my wife is 36, she's got a kid in college, I've got a kid in college, she had breast cancer, my wife's mom died of it, my "bright shiny object" distracted me from what I was doing. so over 3000 texts later back and forth, my wife calls me out on it, and it all came unglued. (this is the second time I've done it to her). I've never been so devastated in my entire life. She's the only woman in my 44 years that has called me out on my issues. It's been very difficult recognizing I have a problem. I am on medication for depression and ADHD, but stopped because I'm a man and I thought I could be this...I'm desperate, I want her back so bad, I'm not sleeping, my mind isn't focusing. How can i regain her trust??? Have I done too much damage?? Has anyone told their ADHD spouse to leave and it's worked out? I'm so scared I've done too much that she'll never find me in her heart again! I've got an appointment today to talk to my therapist, but I don't know if that's going to be enough..I've done more reading and research since she's told me to leave, I lay awake all night praying and wanting to fix this...where do I turn, I don't want to be that man again, the liar, the do I cope with my issues and win her heart back??? 

Broken Moose