I need help

I've suspected that my partner has had ADHD for about 5 years but refuses to acknowledge it. When I initially bright it up 5 years ago, he was very very angry and told me I'm not a doctor. He's right I'm not. But since then I've read a number of books on the subject. Either way I just wish he would talk to someone about it. Recently he took an online test after we had a huge fight, it said he is highly likely to have it. 

He told me he would talk to someone about his anger and his side of our arguments. Today we had another argument and he told me no he will not be doing that and that all of our problems are because of me. The argument started because I picked up a loose piece of mail (there are constantly loose papers everywhere) and put it into a pile of other papers. 

I really don't know what to do I feel so alone. 


I feel like I do the majority of the house work/ recycling/anything related to our dog (we don't have kids)/ remembering items that need to be purchased/ etc


I have tried letting go of needing things to be tidy but when I do that I'm told I'm lazy, dead weight etc. Even if I'm the one doing it 9/10 times. If he has to do it 2 times, I'm lazy. So caring less isn't an option. 

He calls me terrible terrible terrible names in arguments.

At this point I do many things and I do them "good enough". I don't ask for help. I'm not allowed to ask for help. And when I don't clean the kitchen 100% perfectly I hear about it and am told that it wasn't even done. When I do clean it's not noticed.

I know the kitchen is important to him so I focus a lot of attention there. The bed being made and papers put away or jackets hung up/not on the floor of the doorway are things that are important to me. Those things do not get any effort on his part. He has made the bed 1 time, and he is 99.9% of the times the last person out of bed. 

When he cooks the kitchen is a disaster. I clean it up 95% of the time.

When I'm the one that wants to make a meal, he takes over. I want to be the one that sometimes makes the food and then he cleans up.

When I cook I clean, but when he cooks I also clean.

I'm not allowed to touch his papers. I just have to live with them being everywhere. 


He does not give our dug his monthly medication. 

He does not make any of his appointments. 

He does not pay for any vet visits. He doesn't contact the vet for appointment documents. He doesn't upload documents to insurance. I have to do all of those things. 

I have to ask him every single month for rent. It comes out of my account. Not once has he sent me rent without me asking. 

I have organized and put up hooks and shelves and asked for his skateboard (that he is selling) to be shipped for 7 months. I told him I don't want guns in the apartment. Under the bed is now filled with guns and guitars. The office is unusable. 

I had a stack of like 7 books on the shelf and was told how lazy I am for them being there.

I feel very stuck.