Been with my wife for 5.5 years. Married almost 2.
Last few years have been pretty bad.
Shes just so detached. She feels like she's unhappy and made the wrong choice marrying me. That I can never be what she needs. I've really tried to step it up and try hard every single day to be better and try to listen and respond in a way she needs me to. and I've been really trying to change my behaviors and started up meds again. I'm seeing a therapist and psychologist and started Concerta in Nov. that was a rough 1st month on meds trying to find the right dose.
It really ramped up my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Which super annoys her. She thinks I'm smothering her and obsessed with her every move. I try to text her throughout the day to start conversation and she's super short and doesn't wanna talk.
When we fight she's super good at expressing her anger. Not me. I shut down. I to "flood" and it's over for me. I can't speak without sounding like complete idiot. I can't find words once I've upset her. She says to say what I want. Not what I think -I think she wants to hear. She wants me to be authentic. But it's so hard because I do over think every interaction because I want to make our relationship better and I'm scared. And I'm walking on egg shells. She knows we have this parent / chil relationship and its toxic. I read the couples guide and loved it. Felt not alone for the first time ever. Also listened to the author speak for an hour on YouTube and it had me in tears at the end because I didn't feel so alone.
My my wife doesn't wanna listen to that or read the book with me. She says I'm the one that has to change and she wants nothing to do with it. Also said I'm putting on my eggs in this basket with this book and she doesn't think it's gonna make a difference.
Can an I do this one sided? Is it possible for me to repair this on my own?!
i feel like I found some hope and it was so quickly squashed.
She said it's not ADHD issues only its personality issues. And she doesn't get it.
Any advice ?
she says I speak in "I wants " which makes her feel like it's off in the distance and it doesn't change right now.
Hello and welcome to this forum
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Letsgetlost86 ,
My advice is to keep reading here. There are many of us - - -in many different places:
There are so many aspects, I am feeling confident you will find advice on your situation.
Keep reading.
Sincerely,
Liz
Sounds like ya'll need a a wise third party....
Submitted by c ur self on
I suggest counseling; just reading your post there is a lot going on...It sounds like your wife doesn't want to accept your different realities...So she is pressuring you to change NOW...LOL...Only if it was that easy;)....A good counselor will recognize her anger and what is fueling it. If it traces back to trying to navigate life with you, that's fine also, but you will need help to work through it....To answer your question you can do what YOU need for managing YOUR life by yourself...She must face up to her own issues the same as you...My suggestion is to look internally, read, learn, accept yourself, work on yourself for you and the relationship...You really need to shake the fear, and get off the eggshells.....Easier said than done, I know, been there.... One of the biggest mistakes I made with my wife was to try and communicate when emotions are high...Adhd can cause it's own set of communication problems, even when we are calm...If a person is in a defensive and combative posture, a wise man will not engage and walk away...Be wise! And don't be afraid to go to a counselor. C