Been with my wife for 5.5 years. Married almost 2.
Last few years have been pretty bad.
Shes just so detached. She feels like she's unhappy and made the wrong choice marrying me. That I can never be what she needs. I've really tried to step it up and try hard every single day to be better and try to listen and respond in a way she needs me to. and I've been really trying to change my behaviors and started up meds again. I'm seeing a therapist and psychologist and started Concerta in Nov. that was a rough 1st month on meds trying to find the right dose.
It really ramped up my anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Which super annoys her. She thinks I'm smothering her and obsessed with her every move. I try to text her throughout the day to start conversation and she's super short and doesn't wanna talk.
When we fight she's super good at expressing her anger. Not me. I shut down. I to "flood" and it's over for me. I can't speak without sounding like complete idiot. I can't find words once I've upset her. She says to say what I want. Not what I think -I think she wants to hear. She wants me to be authentic. But it's so hard because I do over think every interaction because I want to make our relationship better and I'm scared. And I'm walking on egg shells. She knows we have this parent / chil relationship and its toxic. I read the couples guide and loved it. Felt not alone for the first time ever. Also listened to the author speak for an hour on YouTube and it had me in tears at the end because I didn't feel so alone.
My my wife doesn't wanna listen to that or read the book with me. She says I'm the one that has to change and she wants nothing to do with it. Also said I'm putting on my eggs in this basket with this book and she doesn't think it's gonna make a difference.
Can an I do this one sided? Is it possible for me to repair this on my own?!
i feel like I found some hope and it was so quickly squashed.
She said it's not ADHD issues only its personality issues. And she doesn't get it.
Any advice ?
she says I speak in "I wants " which makes her feel like it's off in the distance and it doesn't change right now.