The story that follows is long and filled with self-pity, but I've tried to be as honest as possible and not "spin" it in my favor. I do want someone to answer the following question: Is a trait or characteristic of persons with ADHD to "defend" themselves by making you think you're crazy or just horribly prone to misunderstanding everything? Is it a trait or characteristic to say "thoughtless" things without any idea of the pain they are causing? I don't seem to have trouble understanding or being understood by anyone else in my family, in my work life and in my friendships. Yet with my guy, if he says something that makes no sense to me, or hurts my feelings, and I ask about it, I am always the one who misunderstood. Yet he usually isn't able to say what he meant. If I don't get a handle on this one issue soon, I think I may be finished. In the past month, without any conscious decision, I have totally restructured our finances, and cleared out the basement, attic and several closets, shredded two huge piles of old paperwork and repainted two rooms. I have opened a bank account in my own name, and in January will start taking classes to become a yoga instructor --I'm burned out from the heavy duty jobs I've always held to make sure we had income and insurance-- it appears I am preparing to make some major changes. It will probably take at least one year to finish off some debt he incurred with a business venture, but once that is done, I can afford to be on my own. I don't nag about undone chores -- I haven't for 25 years. I do them myself, hire them done, or they go undone. I don't nag about money - I have always paid the bills and he has always put his paycheck into our joint account, but now he is on cash only, with a credit card (in his name only) with a limit of $250. But tonight I got just one more example of what appears to be a man who doesn't have any interest in me. I keep trying to find ways for us to spend time together and somehow reconnect. I said you hungry? Yup. Go put on your cute shirt and I'll take you out to dinner. (I made sure it was early so we wouldn't have any restaurant crowds, and I picked a place that has his favorite dish.) He seemed pleased. We went. He got out his phone once, but immediately put it away and said sorry. But he got up twice to go into the bar to check the score of a college football game. To my knowledge he has never watched a football game, college or otherwise, in his life. He went to the bathroom. But we ate, and it was good, and we talked a little. On the way home, I said we could rent a movie to watch later. He said, "we could." A minute later he said "hate to waste a Saturday night." The rest of the ride home was silent. It was quite a long because he took a "shortcut", got "lost", and dismissed my suggestions on how to get back on track for home -- I only said "we could turn here I think, but was ignored.) He kept turning up the radio, and changing the station anytime I said anything conversational. Once parked in the driveway, he put his hand on the key and said "we done?" I said yup, we're done. And for a horrible moment it felt like we really were. He's spent the last two hours playing video games. Are we just a couple whose relationship has run its course? Does ADHD cause people to say thoughtless things? Like watching a movie with your wife is a "waste of a Saturday night"? It feels like anyone else would say "No thanks, I'm not in the mood for a movie." Like "are we done" after being taken out to dinner? It was said in the tone of someone who was told they had to spend Sunday with a hated relative -- Are we done? I once gave my daughter the book "He's Just Not That Into You" because her boyfriend treated her so badly. Sadly, my relationship is in every one of those chapters. If it is ADHD and I thought there was hope he would acknowledge it and we could work on improving things together, I would do that as part of the commitment I made to my husband. But if he's just not that into me, then I really am crazy to keep doing the same things and hoping for something different. He did nothing for my recent birthday, and when I asked why, he looked ashamed, hemmed and hawed, and then said he thought I didn't want to make a big deal of it. I even felt shallow and immature for caring about my own birthday! If I forever will be not "stimulating" enough to keep my husband's interest, I'd really rather be alone than feel constantly rejected. I understand, and have learned to work with, the lack of organization, the trouble with procrastination and follow-through, the need to keep moving onto the next thing, or conversely, do the same thing for 12 hours straight. I "get" the creative, out-of-the-box, fun guy. I truly believes he "loves" me. But I don't understand how loving someone can also include barely being able to tolerate their company. Our dinner out? One hour and fifteen minutes total. And apparently at least half of it was pure torture for him. I don't believe I can take it any more. I'm starting to believe that loneliness would be a small price to pay for a little peace.