I need relief

Hi Forum,

I really don't know where to start. But i know i have a problem. I read a story earlier today here and it touched my heart cause i thought it was me writing it. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but my Girlfriend (GF) has said it in the past. Reading about it to day has convinced me I may have it. we started seeing an LPC at a psychiatry center last week. My GF has been diagnosed with add and a mood disorder, she takes zoloft and adderall.

I love my GF, and i consider myself a sweet guy but my rage to anger has become out of control. Last night we got into an argument but her silence and minor remarks got me heated. So what I did, is that i flipped a small coffee table and and threw something across the room and I grabbed some knives and left the house. I was crying very hard i parked my car and put the knife in my stomach. I have thought of killing myself only when im mad with my GF.

Has anyone gone through this???


 

 

 

I have never had that exact

I have never had that exact experience, but I have had issues with anger and I have also had thoughts of suicide.  I guess in order to understand why you have to break your reaction, anger, and suicidal thoughts down.  I know when I'm moving towards anger and my wife shuts down on me, it drive me crazy, but I have learned to excuse myself because if I don't then I usually end up saying something that in hindsight I didn't mean at all.  I was just reacting.  When you get angry you are not going to get anything accomplished.  Anger is really sloppy.  At least, for me it is.  I'm not logical, I project, I hyper-analyze things, I have cognitive distortions, and I generally don't get my point across in a way that makes me feel understood.  Why were you crying?  Did you need her to say something to you?  Did you feel bad about the way you reacted?  Understanding this stuff helps a lot too.  My therapist actually has me keeping a journal, I call it my trigger journal, and I have to keep track of things and events that set me off.  It has given me a lot of insight into patterns that I can now prepare myself for and change the way I react to things.  As far as the hurt suicidal thoughts, there could be a number of things that cause those thoughts.  Guilt is the biggest one for me and also the fear that I won't be able to change or deal with the worst parts of my ADHD, which are the things that let me push people away when they get close.  The self-doubt tells me that I don't deserve this. 

I don't know if that is what you needed, but I hope it helps some.