I (non ADHD spouse) took all the blame

Removed

I would suggest reading

I would suggest reading Melissa's book (link back to the main site of these forums, you can get an audio book version, digital, etc) as a good start.  I haven't read it myself but sounds like it is helping a lot of people.  Maybe you can get your wife to read it as well.  Or, Melissa's husband book is "Delivered from Distraction" as well as a few other ones.  I would say you could use that book as a way to get your wife to learn about ADD (in the context of your child that has ADHD) and she may realize herself in reading that and realize what she is doing.  I think people may know they have "ADD" but not realize all of the symptoms related to the actual ADD.  I only know one person with ADD so before recently I mistook it as a learning disability alone, or, a problem with focus. After reading up on it (as it sounds like you have done) it has been a great eye opener.  I can highly recommend the videos on this site too as a resource:

 

http://www.caddac.ca/cms/video/teens_adults_player.html

 

Again, easier for someone with ADHD (like your wife) to watch them vs. reading a book maybe.  I would start out with the "You, Me and Adult ADD" or the Barkley video "Executive Function".  I haven't watched them all myself yet but I am reading Delivered from Distraction and I find it a fascinating read and I wish I had read it a long time ago

 

EDIT - Here is another good resource for you: http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/how-broach-subject-suspected-adhd

Thanks for the recommendation

I ordered Melissa's book today as well as "Living with ADD when you're not the one who has it: a workbook for partners". I can see that educating myself is the most important first step. Thanks for the video link as well. Your response is much appreciated.

 

ljleken,

Don't take blame for none of your ADHD wife action's,it's not your fault,in fact it's not even her fault,your wife's brain's function is far beyond her control and it could get even worse than you can ever imagine! I have been married to my ADHD husband for over a year now and he could really make me feel so guilty for "EVERYTHING" but after reading online and even taking the time to spend on these forums really helped me"NOT TO LEAVE HIM"deep down inside they can be really sweet people, it's the focus they lack and the "reality"of life.spending time at bars and wanting "SPACE"is common in add'ers they want to run from their own selves but cannot hide,they would feel "trapped"" ALL THE TIME",it's not your fault.My advice to you is to try and be overly nice to her and convince her to go and get proper diagnosed,and start her therapy and medications to bring back some of the brains functions and take it from there,good luck! from:lovehurtsalotwithanger.