I know you are all going to jump on me for only giving it a year but I entered this relationship hoping it would be a long and meaningful journey....
On our first date she was late (even though she only lived two blocks away and I travelled over 50 kms) and she didn't even mention it or apologise, an introduction of worse things to come.
Late for almost every date thereafter, late for flights, late for dinner, late for the cinema - usually because she was doodling or playing word games on the internet, not because something important cropped up. While I stressed and blew a fuse she's completely oblivious. I now accept that she is living in an oblivious bubble that doesn't include plans, times or dates.
Conversation wise, I might as well have been speaking to the furniture. She didn't listen, constantly interrupted with something irrelevant, couldn't process information or heed warnings and had two kop outs every time she sailed into another accident which were "I didn't know" or "You didn't tell me". I was expected to predict and prevent every stupid accident she had because "I didn't tell her", yes of course, my fault totally every time.
Then there's the forgetfulness. So many things she forgot ten minutes after the event. Information went straight through her head and was gone forever. No point saying "we only spoke about this yesterday" or "we only went there yesterday" as she's forgotten already today. Really forgotten too, no memory whatsoever.
And then there were all the unachievable ideas, the drugs I expect making her dream up stuff she could never hope to deliver. These included posting ads online trying to get sports and social groups going, looking for running buddies for early morning runs etc. Truth is she couldn't get out of bed earlier than need be and that was a bad tempered struggle, never getting back to these people to actually arrange anything. All pie in the sky.
Those are just the minor irritations. The big one that finally snapped it for me is the mess and chaos she is happy to live in. I have never met such an untidy woman ever before. Her apartment is a constant mess with used plates, cutlery, cups, glasses occupying every surface. Whatever she drops on the floor stays there permanently. Rubbish and recycling all over the place waiting to go to the bins outside. Everything with her is "I'll do it tomorrow" and tomorrow never comes. I was brought up in a clean and tidy home where Mom worked full time and still managed to keep a neat home. Subsequently, I keep my home clean and tidy. My dear old Mom (deceased) would have been devastated if she could see where I was going at weekends.
She would often ask me for help but every time I tried to tidy the place or decorate or fix things, she would say she was pleased initially but the next day the mess would be right back and worse. I wondered if that was her passive resistance to change? I've never met anyone so difficult.
Now, if her ADHD is responsible for all this disorganisation in her personal and home life as she kept telling me, how come she gets herself to work in the City every day on time, performs the role of legal secretary and dresses herself and does her hair and make up accordingly? I'd say it's selective behaviour - or she has an identical twin.
The sadness is she doesn't seem to have any memory of our relationship, already she's on a dating site looking for someone new. She won't accept any responsibility for the difficulties and eventual failure of our relationship. Yesterday doesn't seem to figure in her life.
Do ADHD sufferers have any realisation of how their condition affects others and frankly, do they care or are they all oblivious?