I see the cycle coming!

If you ask me, I'd tell you that going out of town on vacation is our 2nd biggest obstacle.  And we're about to go on an almost 1000 mile road trip!  To say I'm nervous or have anxiety about this trip would most definitely be an understatement.  So far, no matter how I've tried to make leaving town easier (for both of us), I still end up with the same amounts of frustration and resentment.  When DH is around his family (especially his dad and brother) we cease to exist for the most part.  He is no help with the kids, and it's near impossible to get his attention.  This road trip he's decided we're driving out of our way so that we can stay at his brother's and avoid that nights hotel fare.  His brother lives in an empty house.... no beds, couches, pillows, blankets... empty.  ....*sigh*....I know how this trip is going to go.  Just like the ones before have gone.  He gets home BEAMING of a wonderful vacation, and I'm pissed off and tired and emotional.  So, my question is.... how do I do this differently?  If I hand him responsibilities before we go, we end up leaving HOURS after we planned because he waited until the kids were bucked into their car seats before he did any of it.  He wont NOT make time to see his family.  Nor do I necessarily expect him to, I just don't see why it always has to throw off the whole trip.  I've tried asking him not to stay up till midnight or later when he knows we have to be on the road early.  I've tried adjusting the schedule, I've tried different techniques for getting his attention..... all to no avail!  Grrrr!  It's so dang frustrating!!!  This is supposed to be a yearly trip that's about spending time with my oldest son (lives with his dad), and I feel like I'm having to drag him away from his family members every time!  We see his family numerous times throughout the year, I get 2 days of visitation a year.  Ugh.... I'm really starting to dread this trip, and I don't want to feel like that.