I can't make myself have a stable, consistent routine of any type, which is not fair to my 2.5 year old son. Toddlers depend on consistency, and I feel like the only thing consistent in my son's life is the fact that I still nurse him 2-3 times a day. I always need to be in front of the computer or TV (bad for him), I wait until he is getting hungry to prepare him snacks (bad for him), I can't get myself together enough to plan fun outings and enriching activities (and we live a 2 minutes walk from the playground!) Also, I constantly get frustrated with the amount of clutter, unfolded laundry, dishes in the sink, and toys that are always underfoot.
I know that my husband is not happy with my poor mothering. My son is happy and healthy, but his intellectual and social needs don't get met because I plop him in front of the TV and don't make an effort to make friends with kids his own age. And I am increasingly getting afraid that my reliance on TV will give him ADD, or at least contribute to the genetic tendency he already has from me (I know the research is sketchy). I'm sure he would have fewer tantrums as well, if I could get some food into him on a predictable schedule.
As far as my husband goes, my lack of routine also causes major conflicts. Being the stay-at-home spouse/parent means I should be on top of things like having meals prepared on time and keeping the house clean. Mealtimes are a huge source of conflict for us because I let time get away from me so much that I don't start preparing dinner until after he comes home. The apartment is never clean because no matter what I do, I can't seen to pick things up or put them in the right place, or I just decide to"deal with it later".
After a lot of convincing, my husband has agreed to have a second child. He was holding back for a long time because he couldn't see how I would be able to deal with two, if I couldn't even handle one. I convinced him that it would all work out, that the second kid is easier than the first, but now I need to figure out how I can make that happen so he doesn't end up saying "I told you so, now you deal with the mess you got us into". (Not that he'd actually SAY those things, but I'd feel resented nevertheless).