I think I'm a bad mom and wife because of my ADD

I can't make myself have a stable, consistent routine of any type, which is not fair to my 2.5 year old son. Toddlers depend on consistency, and I feel like the only thing consistent in my son's life is the fact that I still nurse him 2-3 times a day. I always need to be in front of the computer or TV (bad for him), I wait until he is getting hungry to prepare him snacks (bad for him), I can't get myself together enough to plan fun outings and enriching activities (and we live a 2 minutes walk from the playground!) Also, I constantly get frustrated with the amount of clutter, unfolded laundry, dishes in the sink, and toys that are always underfoot.

I know that my husband is not happy with my poor mothering. My son is happy and healthy, but his intellectual and social needs don't get met because I plop him in front of the TV and don't make an effort to make friends with kids his own age. And I am increasingly getting afraid that my reliance on TV will give him ADD, or at least contribute to the genetic tendency he already has from me (I know the research is sketchy). I'm sure he would have fewer tantrums as well, if I could get some food into him on a predictable schedule.

As far as my husband goes, my lack of routine also causes major conflicts. Being the stay-at-home spouse/parent means I should be on top of things like having meals prepared on time and keeping the house clean. Mealtimes are a huge source of conflict for us because I let time get away from me so much that I don't start preparing dinner until after he comes home. The apartment is never clean because no matter what I do, I can't seen to pick things up or put them in the right place, or I just decide to"deal with it later".

After a lot of convincing, my husband has agreed to have a second child. He was holding back for a long time because he couldn't see how I would be able to deal with two, if I couldn't even handle one. I convinced him that it would all work out, that the second kid is easier than the first, but now I need to figure out how I can make that happen so he doesn't end up saying "I told you so, now you deal with the mess you got us into". (Not that he'd actually SAY those things, but I'd feel resented nevertheless).

If the only thing consistent

If the only thing consistent is your  love - thats all that matters in the end. 

 

there are ways to circumvent the rest of what you talked. 

 

A)  snacks for your son - pre-prepare a bunch of them, leave them in boxes in places where they are a armlenths away. 

this way it turns the act of thinking "oh my son needs a snack" into an impulse decision that you can be happy to complete when needed. 

 

B) dishes in the sink - convert to paper/plastic dishes - yeah sure it might not be the greenest thing to do, but look at it from the perspective of how much less stress will be in your life. 

 

wouldnt it feel nice to go 3 weeks without doing dishes. 

thats an excellent way to do it. 

 

oh- lean to cover dishes you cook with tinfoil so that they really don't get dirty - meaning all you need to do is rinse them perhaps or can package up the leftovers right away and not even wash it. 

 

 

dealing with anything that needs preparation- do preparation in chunks - i used to make 30 brown back lunches at a time for my self - i didn't make everything, but I put everything but the Sandwich in the bag when i did this. 

 

ask your husband to take away your Internet cable or your tv cable on certain days so you have time to focus on what needs to happen. I used to do this when there were things i needed to do. 

 

getting dinner on the table at the right time - 

 

1) ive grown up in an adhd household - trust me there is no right time - as long as you can laugh at the fact that your haveing dinner at 9:30 at night - its all good. 

2) ask your husband to call you as he leaves from work...this way it kinda gives you an automatic count down that yes soon dinner should be on the table. 

 

when your standing at the pantry - grabing something to eat during the day - take the chance to grab one item you need for dinner that night out of the pantry. 

 

 

 

This Book is for You

Go to Amazon and purchase a copy of Sidetracked Home Executives.  It is written by two SAHM women who have ADD and felt *exactly* the way you do now (except that it was the 70s and no one knew/believed adults could have it).  They have a very simple system that should help you.  I am using it even though I am not ADD, just because I like to write things down rather than use a PDA and it made me feel more organized, and my friend who has ADD also started using it and she said it works great for her.  Good luck.