A quick background on my relationship, married last spring after roughly 2 years of dating, we were only together for about 3 months before we jumped the gun and moved in together, then we were engaged 2 months later, all very fast and not what I was used to, but thought I just finally met the one. For months before the wedding, I felt I was making a huge mistake, but I didn't know where to turn and went through with it anyway. Everything changed after the wedding, and I thought I was depressed. I was withdrawn from family and friends, and believe I started to withdraw because he always says very negative things about our friends. Friends that I have had for over 5 years, and that have accepted him as a friend. If he texts one of them and they don't answer right away or even that day, he pretty much thinks they are the biggest jerk of all time, and writes them off, until I can convince him that people are aren't perfect and that they try their best, and sometimes you just cant expect too much from people or anyone, really. I love my friends, they are a huge support system for me, and we fight like brothers and sisters, but we still love each other, and accept that sometimes we are gonna hurt each others feeling, but that we will get through it by open communication. None of us are perfect! I know now this from reading the book that it is why he has no friends other than mine, and that the adhd is why he "gets hurts so easily and impulsively writes people off."
I started reading the book about 4 weeks ago. I feel very connected to the book, as if Miss Melissa was a fly on our walls in our home and told my husband about it. He seemed eager to try reading it to see my standpoint in all of this. I purchased a copy for him (mine was on my kindle and I also felt he could highlight and make notes on a hard copy.) He just recently got back on meds, so I understand he is not as focused as he will be and needs to be. Heres my thought tho......so far the notes he just keeps making are negative to the non-adhd spouse. He is still blaming me indirectly and pointing out that its "both of our problems" as the book has stated a few times. He can't focus on anything else but that. Um, hello......I need you to read the book, not read 15 pages in 2 weeks and point out the same sentence 3 times! Its hard for me to keep believing that we both need to work on it, when he keeps pointing out negative things about the non-adhd spouse. He repeats over and over, getting visibly emotionally upset "and states he wants to work on the problem," but isn't actually absorbing the book. I hate to say, it but I kind of believe him to be skimming the book, like in college where they teach you to read the first and last sentence of every paragraph to get the gist of it! I guess I'm just looking for some more suggestions for encouraging him to sit and read the book and not get ants in his pants every time he sees something he can toss my way to blame me. Thanks for the support in advance!
P.S. he has alot of the other traits of an Adhd person, I just didn't want to get into all of them, just wanted to give a small idea of whats been going on in the past 8 months.
PS he doe