I have mentioned my story before and its been over a month now that my wife has left and gone to live with her parents with my 2 little children. I continue to go to therapy, take my meds and even going to get a hopefully full psych eval to confirm adhd, that I have been diagnosed with, and maybe even add more things to it.
My wife and I talk often, but lately she has been placing even more distance between herself and me. She has told me she is happy now for the first time in her life, and does not know if it is going to work. It breaks my heart that on a continuous basis, she points out everything that has happened in the past, and cannot get past it. I dont want to forget anything, but I have to move forward ever so slowly in order to accomplish any of my new goals. My wife is hurt, sad, and frustrated with me, and who I have let myself be...in all reality I dont know, really what happened. I know that this diagnosis of adhd has shed some light on things, but like most non-adhd spouses, it is looked upon as a myth, or something that is not believable.
I have put her through alot, with lack of interest in her, putting my job first, hyperfocusing on things that I shouldnt be, and not showing my family I love them. In my mind and heart I know I love them, and want this to work....again it does take time. I am trying to be patient, but I do not feel any push forward, or interest in making things work on my wife's part. She is frustrated with me that I dont feel sad, anymore, I dont act like I miss my family, I dont miss her......which is a crock, because I have told her day in and day out.....but, I did tell her, I cant change how she feels, how she percieves things, it just makes me sad.
She has said that up where she is now, is her home, and the next step is divorce. We have been face to face maybe 2x in the last 6 weeks...for everyone that tells me it takes time etc...I honestly see, that...but to have her turn her back on me, and not believe anything I am doing, or working toward....hurts I guess.
Just once when we talk, I would love to have her say..ok keep working on it, be consisent, and I will support you. Instead she is like...when you did this, why didnt you do this sooner you could of saved our marriage, my kids are not coming home (notice my)....I am slowly being written out of the picture.
Thank you for listening. I am frustrated, but more importantly, I am focused on getting better, with or without my family.
Any thoughts or anything from a non-add perspective would be appreciative....