My wife and I went through 8.5 months of marriage counseling 5 years ago...With a very good counselor....I was an angry man, hurt and bitter then...On more than one occasion, I would get up to angrily walk out, but, never did...My W would never own her behavior, and always blamed, denied, or justified it....She just wanted a referee, not help....
So fast forward though much prayer, (deliverance from the anger and bitterness) study, and coming to grips with having to set boundaries, and realizing only acceptance of my wife's reality would ever stop me from wanting to fix or change her. And also coming to peace with (it's ok to leave and live permanently separated) if we can't stop the conflict, and, if she wasn't going to start doing the work of the relationship willingly, w/ out the victim attitude....
We talked an hour...I told him about the boundaries, the walking away from (not engaging) due to the inability for ownership, or healthy communication....We discussed her add, he asked if she was taking her meds, etc...He said he could tell that I was in a good place...He also pointed out to me, that it may never change...I said I know:)
He ask me why I waited so long to check back with him...I told him because I was so ashamed of who I had become when I was there last....I told him that I knew, that I had a lot of work to do on myself. He gave me a sheet of anger triggers....
last minute changes
stress in the work place
a stubborn person
when my children disobey
feeling my rights have been violated
having no plan of action
not talking through issues
After considering this list a day...I text the counselor and thanked him for his time...I told him in looking at this list (I could check off about 7 or 8 of these) I could see 10 years of past hurts, and the dysfunction that revolved around our relationship....But, on the bright side...I could also see much deliverance and growth since our meetings w/ him 5 years ago....I know my W has meet w/ him a couple of times over the past few months...I didn't mention it, nor did he....