Submitted by PoisonIvy on 04/24/2015.
Monday will be my 30th wedding anniversary. Regulars here know my story; suffice it to say that my husband deserted me and has irretrievably broken the relationship. My emotions don't allow me to ignore the anniversary but I'd like to do something positive (and inexpensive), easy or challenging, to mark the day (one I don't feel fondly about) but also to mark my resolve to keep going on my own. Any thoughts?
Honoring 30 Years of Your Strength and Struggle...
Submitted by CosmicJoke on
You're here! After so much! Some possible ways, Rosered, to recognize 30 years, to claim the acknowledgement you have more than earned:
1. If possible, do something with your daughter. Our children are the prize in the ADHD crackerjack box, right? If you can't be together in person, use some of this 21st century technology to connect! Maybe promise to share with her a favorite memory of being her Mom and ask her to share a good memory of her own. You brought life into this world--brava woman.
2. "30 Years over 30 Days"= a MONTH to reconnect, in ways big and/or small, with what has given you joy, sustained you, reminded you of your true self , over these challenging years. Maybe spend time this weekend, in a bubblebath or someplace outside, and fill every square of the calendar with little moments planned to bring joy. Not the usual "To Do List", more like a "You Do You" list. Possibilities might include: A series of lunch/breakfast/drinks meetups with friends you've been too busy to see; A similar list of people you love whom you should call or find on Facebook (I've been doing this with childhood friends and it's been so wonderful); A trip to the library or bookstore to get that big, yummy book(s) you can dip into each night; A purchase of a magazine that can remind you of the great big world beyond our ADHD duties, like "Food and Wine", and/or "National Geographic" or--something you can peruse all month whenever the mood strikes; Little appointments with yourself for self-care--like maybe tossing out your sock or lingerie drawer and starting with new inventory or...?; Do something new with your hair one day...?; Get help, you superwoman--hire a kid to get the outside of the house in shape for spring, or someone to help spring clean the house; Have a movie night with a friend(s); Conversely, stock up on ice cream one night and bingewatch something, because you can; Go outside--almost guaranteed to make a person feel better--sun, birds, green; Go someplace you wouldn't normally now that your family's grown--that museum or park or garden that having kids once gave you an excuse to visit; Hear live music one day; If you haven't already, sign up for Spotify and turn your cell phone into the personal soundtrack of your life as you reconnect with all things that have given you joy; Write a letter to someone who's been important in your life--with ink on a piece of paper--and mail it with a smile... Wake up every day this month knowing you have planned at least one delicious moment to look forward to and to savor.
3. Throw a potluck get together. Possible low-key themes might be Butterflies for transformation; or delicious Lemons--lemonade, lemon meringue pie , etc--to honor your ability to make lemonade out of lemons. Or forget about a theme and just gather the people who love you.
4. Consider some of the positives of this date, April 27th. It is a day of power and hope for lovers of freedom: birthday of both Coretta Scott King (1927)--the epitome of the strong woman, and the great playwright August Wilson (1945), who celebrated the struggles of strong women; and it is Freedom Day in South Africa, celebrating the first elections that were held in an Apartheid-free South Africa in 1994. April 27th is also a day of safe returns from perilous journeys: Apollo 16 returned safely to earth from its 1972 moon voyage on that day. And, as you may also know, April 27th is the birthday of Mary Wollstonecraft (1759), author of "A Vindication of the Rights of Women" and mother of Mary Shelley, who would grow up to write the masterpiece, "Frankenstein"...Hence a day that reminds us that bravery and struggle can lead to transformation, that difficult journeys can lead to safe havens..
Take care of yourself. Thank you again for the honesty and solace you've offered on this site. Props to you for thinking about being good to yourself this coming Monday.
Oh my gosh, thank you! I
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Oh my gosh, thank you! I love these ideas!
:)
Submitted by CosmicJoke on
:)
Thanks!!
Submitted by on the edge on
We will be filing for divorce in the next week or so. Our 25th anniversary is next month. I have no reason to celebrate but I can understand wanting to mark the occasion. I especially like the idea of doing something with the kids. Even though the marriage didn't work out, my kids are definitely the prize. Thanks for the ideas!
I've been there....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
My H and I were in the divorce process during our 28th anniversary (we did reconcile). I didn't want to celebrate it because I was unhappy.
My kids spent the day with me. We went to lunch. WE watched some movies on TV. My kids are everything to me.
I've forgotten.....are you divorced? If not, when will that happen?
{{ hugs }}.
I'm a bit more on the
Submitted by RitaMargarita on
I'm a bit more on the metaphysical side, so I would light a candle, meditate, write something out on paper - like, your feelings on the ending of the marriage, your pain, your hardships, etc., and then I would burn the paper in the candle flame. I'd release it all to the Universe.
Thank you for the messages
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Thank you for the messages and suggestions.
Now all my previous worries and woes are in the background; I found out this afternoon that my teenage nephew has a tumor. The only thing worse would be if this were happening to one of my daughters. My sister is beside herself with worry and fear and I'm not much more pulled together than she is. Send us comfort and strength.
Comfort and strength to you Rosered.
Submitted by jennalemone on
You have the strength and the courage and the heart to live the life you know you can for your own health and for your family.
Hi Rosered...
Submitted by c ur self on
I will pray for your nephew, sister and the family......The God of all Grace who isn't bound by time and space...See's him and loves him...
Blessings dear friend...
C...
Prayers for a successful outcome!
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
prayers.
all good wishes for quick recovery
Submitted by CosmicJoke on
Here's the update: My nephew
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Here's the update: My nephew does have cancer. I spent yesterday morning with my sister, nephew, and ex-brother-in-law at the hospital. We got the bad news right away and then were plied with information and my nephew underwent tests. He's in for a grueling course of chemotherapy and then surgery but the cancer is considered curable because of its type and the fact that it hasn't spread.
I did tell my husband, even though his communication with and support of me are so sparse. He seemed genuinely concerned and he said he appreciated me telling him.
I wish his family were like my family. I think his dad is a toxic presence and this has led the children and extended family members to distance themselves. Except for my husband, who is in a strange slave-master relationship with his dad, to the benefit of neither of them.
Taking care of Rosered
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Rosered,
First off, let me convey to you how very sorry I am to hear about your nephew.
On Monday, if you are at a place of some peace, I suggest you take an adventure.
Something I have been doing in the recent year is taking adventures - simply doing the things I have wanted to do.
Most notably, on Monday, April 20th, I bought a parking garage spot via Parking Panda, gassed up my VW Beetle, went to the library to choose an audio-book, and drove 6 hours to Washington DC to see the cherry blossoms. I got there at 4:55 pm, parked in the garage which was 1/4 mile from the Tidal Basin - and walked amidst the cherry blossoms till about 7 pm. It was spectacular. Then I got back in my car, and drove 6 hours back to my home.
Liz
Liz, I haven't been on the
Submitted by copingSAH on
Liz, I haven't been on the forum for some months now except for today.
I had to log in just to tell you your adventure was wonderful indeed... I'm still very much held slave to the controlling ways of ADHD. I need to start an adventure of my own this spring/summer.
Rosered,
I think one of the things you can do to mark the beginning of a new chapter is to take on something that you can exclusively call your own, getting a piece of sculpture, perhaps a piece of substantial jewelry whether it is diamond, turquoise, that really calls to you both anesthetically and psychically. Maybe inscribe it as the date not of your 30 anniversary, but as the date starting your life here on in. Look at it and let it give you power.
Hang in there; just when we're making some headway, life always seems to have another challenge around the bend. Hard to believe that we can hang in for so long considering what we've had to surmount.