I'm about to lose my mind

This man gonna get me loony I am so sick off it's all me. How can we communicate when he verbaly abuses me calles me a whore a no good mom a bitch everyday. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Then he like I dont love him like are you serious you just made me feel like shit. We been together almost 6 years on nov we will be 1 year married on july 4th. He is a narsaccist asshole and tge worse is that I love him. 2 yr ago we broke up and in the 3rd day he sleeping around. How can you love someone and do that to them. Took his ass back married him oh and wait girl had his kid. But I am tge bad one who doesnt love him. Oh and he cheated on me when got back together. He can't owe up to his mostakes but can easily point out mines. Like when we 1st got together like 2nd month I cheated on computer. Never met anyone just talked exchange pics. I didnt think we was gping any placecause of how he was. Found put he had a pill issues we worked it out and I never message pr even look at any other man but him. Within those 4 trs he has mess up 3 times 2 times drugs one time the strip club that he knows I do not approve off. And I forgave him I mess up once and he hold that againts me. I just don't know what to do I am so lost and so sick of living like this. I want to walk away get a divorce but the love I have for him won't let me. I want him to get help he won't even told him we will go to couples counseling. I can really use you guys help I feel like I'm gonna lose it and it's gonna get physical loke it once did.