This man gonna get me loony I am so sick off it's all me. How can we communicate when he verbaly abuses me calles me a whore a no good mom a bitch everyday. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Then he like I dont love him like are you serious you just made me feel like shit. We been together almost 6 years on nov we will be 1 year married on july 4th. He is a narsaccist asshole and tge worse is that I love him. 2 yr ago we broke up and in the 3rd day he sleeping around. How can you love someone and do that to them. Took his ass back married him oh and wait girl had his kid. But I am tge bad one who doesnt love him. Oh and he cheated on me when got back together. He can't owe up to his mostakes but can easily point out mines. Like when we 1st got together like 2nd month I cheated on computer. Never met anyone just talked exchange pics. I didnt think we was gping any placecause of how he was. Found put he had a pill issues we worked it out and I never message pr even look at any other man but him. Within those 4 trs he has mess up 3 times 2 times drugs one time the strip club that he knows I do not approve off. And I forgave him I mess up once and he hold that againts me. I just don't know what to do I am so lost and so sick of living like this. I want to walk away get a divorce but the love I have for him won't let me. I want him to get help he won't even told him we will go to couples counseling. I can really use you guys help I feel like I'm gonna lose it and it's gonna get physical loke it once did.
I'm about to lose my mind
Submitted by Mrs.MayBasak on 03/29/2018.
Help for you
Submitted by SweetandSour on
May - I'm sorry you are being treated so badly. My advice for the moment is don't fight back. When he is calling you names or making accusations, don't answer - try to walk away to another room or outside if you can and just calmly say - "I"m doing the laundry" or "I'm taking the baby for a walk" - any task you can come up with so you aren't storming off and contributing to the chaos, but you are calmly showing that you won't reward that bad behavior of his by paying attention to him when he's acting like that. In the bigger picture, if he is physically abusive, you need to get out, to protect yourself and your baby - you can love him all you want, but you can't allow him to get away with physically abusing you. Try to find counselling for yourself; it will help you figure out what is really important to you and to identify your own strengths so you can feel good about yourself and see a better way for you to live going forward. You sound young - there are many other men out there who would be better partners for you - don't settle for this.
husband's affar
Submitted by squish on
Been with my undiagnesed husband over 25 years I found out my husband was going on dating sites. This being very upsetting. He has said he done it on impulse and he never did anything with her (I don't believe this)
I have put up with a lot over the years from my husband and 2 children also have adhd
But I am finding this very hard
Ditto
Submitted by vabeachgal on
Squish,
I don't have much time to respond right now, but I know from personal experience that this is difficult. I'm sorry you are going through this. It is soul sucking and heart rending. In my case, I processed as if he had an affair. I knew that if he did, he would never admit it anyway.
Please be aware. I also heard excuses. In my case, finding the dating sites is only what I actually found. I recently found out that, years ago, he had been trying very hard to start an affair with another sports mom. He was texting her inappropriately while I was there at the games with him. It's sick.
The dating sites were my last straw, on top of the ADHD and lies and financial incompetence. The last bit of information came after I had already filed for divorce. It was still rough, but not as rough as the first discovery. It was validating because now I knew, with proof, clearly, in black and white, what kind of person I was dealing with. I still heard all of the lies and denials, but less of them, because I had proof.
I was curious.
You weren't paying any attention to me.
I heard a radio advertisement and was curious.
The profiles were so interesting to read.
I was bored.
It's nothing.
I didn't do anything.
Any of this sound familiar? I stayed with him after I found out about the dating sites, but it was clear he was out there fishing for an actual encounter.
It is hard. I ended up in a serious depression. It took me 18-24 months to fully process the betrayal. The entire time, I was being told that he couldn't beat himself up over it, it was past ( it wasn't) and I needed to lighten up. Why couldn't I let it go. Did he ever fulfill my request for full transparency. Hell no. Absolutely not. Did he ever acknowledge he hurt me. Nope. Not until recently when I gave no f's for it.
Sure, ADHD does cause some impulse control, but in my opinion, this behavior is a character deficit, not an attention deficit.
He did it to get the rush and validation. He doesn't understand that's why he did it. Therefore, he won't understand why he shouldn't do it anymore. At least, that's how it played out for me. Look at it this way, this was time and attention he wasn't giving you, your marriage or your children. I treated the incident as full blown cheating. You may or may not. It's an individual thing.
I'm not sure what the protocol here is, but you are welcome to reach out to me individually if you want to... if there are things you don't want to post here. I can't unsee the things I saw him communicate, for example.