Do you ever just get tired of being blamed for everything? I bend over backwards for my husband and sons on a daily basis. Yet, any conflict or potential conflict is dumped in my lap. I'm controlling. I'm hard to please. I'm disrespectful. I'm ....fill in the negative blank.
How 'bout I'm rational. I want to hold these people I live with accountable. I won't just shut up and take it anymore. I'm tired of cleaning up everyone's messes. I'm tired of accepting the blame for all our problems. I am NOT ADD. I am also not perfect. I have my issues. I try very hard to be understanding and accommodating to my husband and 17 yr old son's ADD. But I refuse to take all the blame for the dysfunction in this household. I grew up with very loving parents. It kills me what my spouse and I are doing to our boys. His parents were extremely dysfunctional. And as much as I absolutely hate it, we are just repeating the cycle. He is either unwilling or unable to admit his culpability in the issues we have. We have just started counseling again. But he is very hard hearted at this point and pretty much blind to his part of our problems.
So tired of the battle.
Unwilling or unable... or both?
Submitted by Standing on
Yes, I am also tired of the blame. If only I were more loving, more affectionate, more easygoing... to me, that translates to: "if only you would join me in la-la-land, where we pretend that what I say makes sense, that I always have but the purest of motivations, that I am a wonderful guy, and that our life is normal...and never dip beneath the surface into what is really going on."
So - after taking the Adderal his internist prescribed for 2 years, he has now agreed to a complete psych assessment.
But he wants me to be tested, too. "It's only fair."
And last night, when I was very quiet and reserved and he noticed that I had been reading Melissa's book earlier in the day, he announced that I really should look up the positive traits of ADD and not focus on the negative all day long,
O yes, shame on me. How dare I inform myself as to a likely reason for the lunacy in which he has immersed me for the past 10 years. All I need to do is think positive! After all, as he says, "I've done alright so far!"
Alright?!!!??? Really! Well, that is one man's opinion.
He also stated with great conviction that the upcoming evaluation may reveal that he has no issues beyond the norm and that he also gets weary of dealing with MY stuff,
When pigs fly.
I am so tired of feeling erased by his inability to connect dots, to remember facts, to integrate reality into his perspective.
And I am so grateful to be able to read everyone here and to know that I am not alone. Thank you!
Argh, an internist?
Submitted by sunlight on
" after taking the Adderal his internist prescribed for 2 years ..."
Hi, Standing. I am NOT criticizing you or your partner but there is no way on this planet that internists or any doctors others than psychiatrists should be prescribing psychiatric drugs. These drugs are powerful magic and psychiatrists often prescribe them in combinations which an internist is not qualified for no matter how good they may be at their thing. Please try to find a psychiatrist who specializes in Adult ADHD (not childhood ADHD, there are some psychs out there who believe that kids grow out of ADHD, which they don't because it is a brain disorder *). If you can't find one who lists adult ADHD as a specialty then try to talk to other candidates to ascertain their views on it before wasting precious time (and before potentially giving your husband even more wiggle room before a correct diagnosis can be made). I suggest you put the past experience with the internist firmly in the past and let a new psychiatrist take a clean view and take it from there. Best wishes.
(* Note re 'growing out of ADHD' - it seems some kids are possibly mis-diagnosed with ADHD in childhood who may instead be suffering from other processing disorders. I often wonder whether doctors who think that kids grow out of ADHD are mistaking ADHD for disorders which can manifest differently.)
Thank you, Sunlight. I am
Submitted by Standing on
Thank you, Sunlight. I am certain you are absolutely correct. So much has changed since the day visited our small-town general internist (who also does obstetrics) and discussed my husband's distractibility & impulsivity. Now I question whether it's actually ADD or Bipolar... or both. Trouble is, we live in a rural area and, for now, I feel very fortunate to have located a psychologist within 80 miles who is well trained in doing these assessments. We're back to square one, admittedly, but it's a start. IF husband will follow through on the evaluation... and IF... well, you know.
I'm relieved that his grandiosity and manic behavior appear to have subsided, for now, but he's shown no interest in reading any of the material I've gathered and I've been afraid to push the subject. He seems to be content to settle on his theory that "everyone has issues". Strange to me that suddenly, since confronted with the prospect of being tested, he can appear to "control" it... whatever it is? I don't know.
Thank you for sharing!