i'm at crossroads..

Hi everybody. It's been a while since I came to this site. As I have said in previous posts my husband has ADD but not accepting it hence not taking meds. After reading some posts here and especially after taking to heart Melissa's advice, I stopped being so angry and tried to embrace all the good things in our marriage. And for a while that really seemed to work. But soon ADD started to show it's ugly head again and slowly but surely I was back where I started. Lately we fight more and more, always for the most stupid things. That then escalates because he adds insult to injury which gives the fight a whole other dimension. Whatever happens he tries to turn the tables so that he's off the hook. He never takes responsibility for his actions because, according to him, everything he says or does is a direct consequence of my behavior. What saddens me the most is that he really believes his own lies and excuses. He has created this perfect mental image of himself so whenever I say or do something that doesn't ring with what he likes to hear things get ugly. I know I am too confronting for him, I'm actually the first person that has ever stood up to him so it's new to him and during fights i become public enemy nr 1. He is scared as hell to look at himself.When we're not fighting or when I compliment him or sweettalk him he becomes the nicest person in the world because I then give him the impression that he is the man he desperately wants to be. Eventhough I have tried to weigh my words and stay calm, I too have my own personality and temper.

In conclusion, he is not willing to accept his ADD so no cure possible. I'm not able to be myself anymore and I constantly walk on eggshells. It's all about HIM...what about ME? I have thought about leaving but I'm afraid, as stupid as this might sound to you i'm just being completely honest, that he will find someone else rather quick that will somehow know the magic formula. Someone who will know exactly how to handle him and therefor have the perfect relationship with him. I think that's what scares me the most, finding out someday that he's happy with someone else, someone who can push his buttons in a good way, the way I never could.

Is this ridiculous? If so, can somebody talk me out of this fear?

At this point any advice is welcome