My ADHD husband always has excuses as to why he can't do things. I'm just about at the end of my rope! He has told me to give him lists of things that need to be done around the house but when I do he rarely completes the tasks. Yesterday I emailed him a list while i was at work. He received the list at 10am and said he would be happy to do everything I asked and have it done before I got home. The chores amounted to about 30 minutes of work and yet when I got home at 3pm nothing had really been done. He did unload the dishwasher but never finished putting anything away. He put a few dirty dishes in the emptied dishwasher but there were still dishes left in the sink and food particles on the counter and stove from the night before. He didn't finish the repair he had started days before which had cluttered my dining room with tools and he didn't file the tax extension online (which was on the list but I had also asked him to do it several times in the past week). I have tried to explain nicely that since I work full time and take a part time online business course that he needs to help out around the house. Yet it always falls on me because he says I'm unrealistic in my expectations and I make him do everything my way and in my time. When I got home from work yesterday I dusted and vacuumed the whole house, did some studying online and by 6pm he still hadn't finished cleaning up the kitchen so I could make dinner. After dinner I cleaned up and put away the leftovers but told him he needed to do the rest. I woke up this morning to a text that was written at 1:23am saying his back was hurting (he does have a legit back injury but it never seems to keep him from doing the things he wants to do) and he would clean the kitchen and do the dishes in the morning. Just another excuse! He stays up watching TV till 1-2am every night then he's too tired or his back is hurting too badly to do the dishes, which is supposed to be his job since I do all the cooking. I get up much earlier than him because I work 5 days a week so I have to either clean the kitchen myself or prepare my breakfast and lunch by working around the mess while he sleeps till 10am.
I have told my husband many times that I would be happy to take on all the responsibilities at home if he would just keep a full time job and help with the income. But after over 30 jobs in the past 7 years I have very little hope he will ever stick with anything. So we continue to struggle financially while he looks for and applies for jobs that he always finds an excuse why he can't accept or keep once he's hired. He blames everyone else for his inability to keep a job and if that's not his excuse then it's his back or his other health problems. My family and friends think I'm crazy and they don't even know the half of it because I always protect him by making excuses for him. But I'm sure they see right through it. And they don't see his angry outbursts when he doesn't get his way or when I get so fed up that I have the audacity to speak my mind or tell him he is being unfair.
Reading what I have just typed makes me feel like a fool. Why would I stay in a marriage like this? He contributes nothing. He wants his needs met yet doesn't seem to think he has to do anything to meet mine. I cringe when he touches me because he makes me sick. He's overweight and blames it on his back injury (from 14 years ago) but really if he would just stop sitting in front of the TV and shoveling food in his mouth 6-8 hours a day maybe he wouldn't have a weight problem. The rest of the day I can't really even tell you what he does. A chore that would take me 10 minutes seems to last all day for him. I've tried to be understanding about the ADHD but there comes a time when I have to say if he can't contribute anything why am I still here? I really feel like a fool!