Having more and more time to think, I'm increasingly seeing how unbalanced my marriage was. I was giving much more than I was getting in pretty much all areas: emotionally, financially, taking care of responsibilities, household duties, etc. When I was talking to my friends about how much I love my husband despite all that he's done (or hasn't done), and how I don't mind supporting him financially and doing more than my fair share (which I didn't... if I'm in love with you, there's really nothing that I won't do for you), but I held myself back before I blurted out "it's sort of like how you love your kids, how you would sacrifice everything for their well-being?"
I pretty much became his mom.
And it dawned on me, that's why he's so upset at our relationship. At home, it's all about being told by "mommy" what to do. You have to go do your homework (go find a full time job), stop playing your video games (computer, Internet, and iPhone), go do chores (help me with the household duties), we can't go to the toy store, mommy's busy (life isn't always going out to have fun, I'm busy working trying to make enough money to cover both our expenses). He wants to leave the marriage just like how a child wants to go over to live at his friend's house where he thinks every day is just fun and games. And I became frustrated like a mother dealing with a teenager.
To him, home is where all the responsibilities and all the unpleasantness of life happen. That's why he wants to move away. It's avoiding and running away from the unpleasantness once again. Whenever I would bring up something he doesn't want to talk about such as his ADHD and how it affects the marriage, he shuts down the conversation.
Well, now we wait for him to find out what reality is like, and when he's faced with having to do all the same things that he has to do in our home, but now he'll be doing it without me.
This realization, while it makes perfect sense, makes me incredibly sad. I want a husband, not a child. And it feels so terrible to realize he's running away from something that basically EVERYONE has to deal with, but he doesn't see it.
There were a few times in the past he has told me, "When I'm out with my friends, I have so much fun. When I come home, I feel so sad and anxious."
I told him, "when you're out with your friends, they're not talking about the debt that we're in. They're not talking about how you need to look for a full time job because your current job is not enough to cover your part of the expenses. They're not talking about having to fix the water heater and where we're going to find the $1,000 to have it replaced."
He just doesn't get it.