I'm invisible I don't exist

Yesterday morning, he left before I knew he was gone "to work?". He does not have a place of business, just a small warehouse full of his junk where he "hangs out" saying he is working there or he is "on the road" and will mention the name of some old client. He does not say good bye. He didn't come home until 10pm. He didn't say hello or good night. This morning, when I asked where he was he said, the "shop" and then went on his way without saying good bye. This guy needs NO connection AT ALL! His independence and freedom from responsibility is more valuable to him that his wife and home (or he is hiding something). I am reading about how spouses of people who drink and are impulsive and irresponsible are sometimes obsessive about their spouses whereabouts and activities.....I have become an obsessive, leary, anxious wife. Why is it so hard to stop thinking about THEM? Why am I thinking about HIS activities? It is my work to get involved in things that make me fulfilled and busy. Yet, I have the thoughts that when he doesn't take care of things, things fall apart and it affects me. It feels like the roof will be falling on my head, It is only a matter of time. A person becomes vigilant when there is unseen, oncoming calamity. I write these things because I have been denying so much for so long that I need to write and read them to get it in my head about why I feel so bad.
carathrace's picture

at least 50 ways

Jenna, will you refresh my memory, as to why you can't leave this man? I know I could probably find it in your old posts, but it would take too long.. You seem so awfully miserable. I can't believe there isn't a way for you to be free.


Jenna dear, I hear how miserable you are. I know you've been in this place for a while. I was there, too--waiting for mine to see, to hear, to realize, to change. Maybe it's time to face the idea that he won't and stop reacting and start acting. I say this with love and support. You are in charge. Stop giving him the power to be in charge of how you feel about yourself. Maybe he does not care, maybe he is shut down, maybe you are just not right for each other. Maybe he is not a horrible person but he is not what you need and deserve. Stop letting yourself only be visible through his eyes! I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but when my therapist told me that I sounded like I thought of myself as a victim, I realized she was right. Don't let yourself be a victim. Many hugs to you.
QD-PRN's picture

My heart goes out to you

I am a man with ADHD but with a big heart. My ADHD centres on organization. I am a doting and loving dad and step-dad and fell in love the minute my girlfriend pored her heart out to me, which was the day she ran me over with her shopping cart because I was focused on retrieving the item I needed to buy and was clueless to my surroundings. She left an abusive marriage with three kids and had them with her while shopping. She looked stressed. I helped load her groceries into her car. It is possible for a man with ADHD to love a woman; it just has to be the right kind of woman. My ex-wife was not abused and was an introvert. I am an extrovert and very affectionate. My girlfriend is an extrovert and volunteers with an organization which helps children who suffer abuse at home. She simply stole my heart. She has the kind of heart that broke my heart.