I'm married; I have ADHD; I feel very alone

I am 47 and it has only been about 15 months since I was diagnosed with ADHD, but, and I am not trying to bad-mouth my husband here, I feel so very alone all the time because he is not emotionally capable of supporting me.  He grew up in a family where there was not much display of affection from his father and his mother is not all that warm 'n fuzzy either.  They also didn't talk about feelings much and there was a stigma about mental health issues.  Before my diagnosis, we tried marriage counseling on 3 separate occasions.  After the last one, I found out the reason why nothing was working...he was only going to keep me off his back and that he doesn't "believe in that crap".  The only reason I stayed in the marriage is we have kids and I just could not split us up.  But it is really getting harder and harder to live with being so sad and feeling unloved.  I know I don't help because I have passed the point of being able to calmly deal with just about anything.  I am not the person I want to be in that I am verbally abusive when I disagree with him or don't like something he did and I have had times when I have pushed him or slapped him on the arm in anger.  Like I said, not the person I want to be.  I see a therapist and do take meds.  They help, but there is no one "magical" treatment plan for me that is going to make him more supportive.  I have joined a local ADHD support group, but we only meet once a month on a Saturday which is when my kids typically have their activities going on.  I haven't been able to go to a meeting since August since my oldest daughter was a JV football cheerleader.  Mostly I am just trying to share my feelings with others that have ADHD since I can't with my husband.  Does anyone have any ideas?  I really do not want to leave my marriage.   There was once a reason we fell in love.

nomorebadhead's picture

counselingis great but...

my wife has adhd we just discovered 6 weeks ago and just recently discovered it has been the main reason we fight all of the time. counseling has not worked for us in the past until we found a counselor that specializes in couples with ADHD. if you can try to find a specialist. there is a huge difference between a regular marriage counselor and one who knows how to deal with couples/ families that suffer from one or both spouses with adhd. It's worth a shot!