Hi everyone
Its been very interesting reading through this forum , I'm in so need of some advice. If you take the time to read this I'd be so grateful. I met my husband 10 years ago we were friends, he's always been life and sole of the party cracking jokes out all the time and we always got on so well. He always moaned about work and girlfriends . For instance he wanted to be a fire man then a plumber then he planned college. He always felt worthless and his relationships always seemed to brake down quickly. Eventually we ended up together and things were amazing he treated me like a princess. My husband is a very lovely man, he's had the most awful child hood you could imagine and it's scarred him probably for the rest of his life . But I quickly noticed these same old niggles so I set about helping him I thought if he did get a job he wanted make him happy. I am a hair dresser and if think he started then to think he wanted a trade too, that he could see I could earn money in and out so he quit his job and went back to college he lasted a few days, he went back to work hated it left and now he's been in same job a while but complains frequently about it , he has no filter with things and says the most rude things about people. He's angry at the world. I read about hyper focus and he does fit that he will become obsessed with things like I'm controlling fixate on that then leave then come back or have an out burst say sorry and expect me to be normal with him. He calls me names. When we have family round friends he talks about himself a lot and shows little interest in them to the point he will check his phone if there talking. But when out he will talk to strangers for hours? He thinks people don't like him sometimes gets paranoid. He is seeking help they believe he has ADHD and PTSD . I have a small child with him that has Mild Cp and we don't know his future. I do everything to hold this family together I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination who is . My husband likes a drink when he drink he's abusive he tells me he will leave me that I'm boring etc, we've been together under 5 years and I feel so upset. He is a wonderful father, when he's good he is fantastic caring sympathetic caring and thoughtful funny and we have a great life but this demon? Inside of him makes him flip? For instance if he wants to mo the lawn and I say no could you help with this, then I'm controlling. He never think things through either properly like does random things cleans the car in the rain or cuts a tree down with no skip and the wrong tool? Late on in the day but it's always my fault cause I don't let him do anything. He tells me he's not happy all the time but then says he loves me. I have a child to think of but I love this man so much I want to help him but am I g better off getting out now? I have so much stress to cope with, with my child I feel like I'm drowning . Iif he gets on the right meds could this help? Is it a cure?
Med's can help for sure,, but it takes more....
Submitted by c ur self on
Meds aren't the answer for bad behaviors add or not...Ownership is...The talking to stranger's for hours,and checking his phone when someone else is talking...Is typical add behavior, also many of the other things...My wife does the same, boredom is a big problem for adders... You probably should get some counseling because these behaviors need brought to the light and most of the time...It's hard to impossible for a wife and husband to set down and make any progress w/o a respected third party...Are it was for us...You will need to stop mothering him...It will create a dependency, that is difficult to break...and it's not fair to yourself or your husband. If he is going to be forced to see himself, and be responsible for his own actions, you will have to pull back...It's so easy for bad behaviors to get our focus, instead of our marital relationship...Also, blame and denial can easily develop, if someone is feeling attacked. If you want things to come to a head quickly, do not try to tell or show him how to be a responsible adult...Once you back away, he will get the message and go one way or the other...Arguing it the worst thing you can do, it only creates bitterness and unrealistic expectations, just be responsible for yourself, and expect the same from him, you will be so much better off...Just remember, Love is good, being an enabler, or a scape goat is Bad....
So many things we have in common :(
Submitted by blueskiesandpies on
The awful childhood thing my husband had as well. He had a stepfather who was abusive in quite a weird way...not beatings and yelling and stuff, but he would have him and his brother do degrading things for his enjoyment, he would ground them at the drop of a hat, hit them in the good spot with golf clubs to see if they could "take it", etc. His mother didn't really do anything to stop the abuse. All this happened shortly after the man he considered his father died.
With college, my husband got in twice and dropped out twice because he was "bored". Whenever I would mention that he was going to cause us to owe money to the school because he was taking out financial aid that he wouldn't have truly earned by not completing his semesters, he would get this glassy eyed look on his face like he was trying to block out what I was saying. Needless to say, he did exactly what he wanted and ended up just failing his classes, sleeping in late and not showing up to school for anything except the one class he was interested in, a hands on class for Engineering, which he made an A in. He purposefully stopped attending and paying attention to the others. Now we owe money, AGAIN. His family already helped pay it off once, but now he's trying to go to school for a third time and is trying to convince me he is grounded and ready now, except this time he wants to go for personal training. This scares me. I wrote a post too and forgot to even mention that!
I know maybe I didn't give you any suggestions as to how medication may help, because I'm trying to find that out too, but I did want you to know I can relate to you very well and I do hope that things work out for your husband and yourself. I am really hoping things work out for us too. Good luck!
Your poor husband, it's awful
Submitted by Lou30 on
Your poor husband, it's awful hearing what a grown man to do to a child I look at my son and if anyone hurt him I'd truly hurt them to. I love my child more than life itself and his smile lights up my heart. It's like my husband is searching for something to give him self worth he had and important job he would feel more worthy as he has low self esteem and I think this runs from the PTSD rather than ADHD but then the ADHD gets in the way of that and they have a negative impact. Is your husband seeking help? I think a lot of adults slip through the cracks. My husband was in care all his life so I don't think it was spotted at all but now a days it's spotted early enough to get the sufficient help from the beginning. My husbands coming back today he walked out on us yesterday last chance he's promised to get the help he needs, I hope you and your husband work through things and things become easier.