Submitted by angry1124 on 11/08/2011.
I have just discovered this site and I hope it will help. My husband has adhd and I have lost all hope that I can manage our marriage any longer. I have just started reading Melissa's book and I feel like it is the story of my life!
I have become someone I hate. I'm angry and hateful all of the time. I have 2 kids and I want this to workout. I know he is a good man but I've grown to resent him so much. I don't know how to make him see how i feel. He just thinks that I'm an awful bitch.
He says he will read the book but I feel that he is already doubting the credibility of it. What if i read this and he doesn't reciprocate?
Please give me hope.
There is hope
Submitted by IHaveItAnKnowIt on
I am in the process of turning my marriage around. I was a complete jerk and well...rather than repeat the whole story, just take a look at the post here called Marriage in Shambles and read my story. I am hopeful that we can turn it around, but it will take a lot of work...
He has endless patience
Submitted by angry1124 on
Thank you so much for your response. It is helpful to hear it from the other perspective. Do you have any advice on how i can get him to come to this website without nagging? The difference in our stories is that he isn't ever mean. He has all the patience in the world. It is just me that cannot seem to be nice anymore. I do feel that he believes the problem is mine. He likes the way he is. How do I make him see my pain is real?
Pain is real
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
Take a look at my blog post addressing this very issue, For Men Who Don't Think it Matters. Some people have printed it out for their spouses with decent results.
Giving it a try
Submitted by angry1124 on
First of all I have just gained even more respect for you by taking the time to read my post. I printed it out and he says he will read it. I've made it aware that I am trying to make things better. He says he will read it. Lets hope he doesn't get distracted before he finishes it, lol. I consider this our first baby step to recovery. Thank you so much.
Advice
Submitted by IHaveItAnKnowIt on
I am probably not the best person to give advice on this, but i will give you my perspective for whatever it is worth.
My guess is that you are not getting through to him on how badly he is hurting you. That is shy you are angry. You don't want to be hurt any longer. I have learned that anger is just a response to our fight/flight instinct and when it comes time to fight, you get angry as a way for your body to protect you. You have to look at yourself and decide if this is what you really want and if it is, then get in there and fight for it. Not liteally of course!
There were many times when I was happy with the way I was and whenever my wife told me I was being bad I just didn't care. I thought she did not love me any longer. I am sure she told me that i was hurting her emotionally, but I never heard it. My guess is that if your husband loves you and does not want to lose you, you need to tell him he is hurting you. As I told someone else, you have to do it in a completely calm way or he may not react the way you want him to. I am sure if he wants to be in this marriage with you he will hear what you are saying if you remain calm and do not accuse him of making you miserable. I have taken to saying "I feel like..." That takes all the pressure off my wife and she does not feel like I am accusing her. I try to say it in the same tone as I would sat the grass is green or the sky is blue. No anger, not expectations. Just a statement of fact.
Those are my initial thoughts. I hope they help.
Did you ever tell your wife
Submitted by SherriW13 on
Did you ever tell your wife that you didn't think she loved you anymore or was it just a secret 'reason' you had for the bad behaviors? Any chance it was simply an excuse you told yourself and not necessarily anything she was doing? If so, how does one break through that wall...because I know one thing for sure...when my ADHD husband convinces himself of something, there is NO changing his mind. Even on things that I truly, and honest to God feel he is completely out in left field over...it is almost as if he is going to stick with his opinion just because it differs from mine...or, sometimes I feel, because the truth is too painful.