Im A non adhd husband coping poorly with my adhd wife

Where to begin?

I love my wife. 

We have been married for 12 years and I feel like most of that time I have been trying to solve problems or complete tasks for her. It is never ending. In the early years I chalked this up to a picky wife with high standards or maybe just a woman's preference thing. None of this changed the way I felt about her.  I could write a book with all of the incomplete gigantic problems/projects/tasks I have tackled in the hopes that she would be satisfied. You see, she was only diagnosed recently.

So now we have big problems. Arguments over her perpetual indecision get heated. Now she claims that I am mistreating her when I get angry about her making us late to EVERYTHING, or asking my opinion on something only to argue that very opinion. I have simply lost my patience. She takes absolutely zero responsibility for the effects this disorder is having on our marriage . No matter what the issue may be, she manipulates the conversation to make the problem my fault. The latest argument she said I (me) would be happier without her.   RED FLAG.

We have three children that would all be devastated if we divorced. The oldest has already been diagnosed with adhd at 8. I cried today thinking about what a divorce would do to my little girl. It is not an option. I tried to talk to my wife about it in those terms. Now she is convinced I am only staying married to her for the children! That coupled with her never admitting fault, or admitting she is wrong is enfuriating and devastating all at the same time.

I have immersed myself in everything I can find via the Internet about coping with this situation. Unfortunately the summary of what I have found is she can't help it, so don't take it personally. WHAT!? 

Am I doomed?